burn the soul from the bones
by Kvetching Canoodle
Summary: All Sasuke wanted to do was make her brother proud. Now she has to kill him instead. Genderswap!Sasuke.
1. Chapter 1

This idea just sort of came to me. I'm rereading the series, and I don't know. I find genderswap stories really interesting because gender roles realistically would affect character decisions.

Oh, and the seal/massacre/Mangekyo all have considerably stronger psychological side effects than in the manga.

Also I've never seen the anime, so all the canon compliment parts are manga compliment.

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**Chapter I.**

When Sasuke is five, her father registers for the Academy. Only three days ago Itachi became a chuunin, age ten. Now it's her turn to follow in his footsteps.

Unfortunately, the kunoichi division of her year has different ideas. "She'll be the youngest of the group, sir," the woman says, and Sasuke catches sight of a pink-haired girl who can't be much older than she is crying by the bushes. "It might be better if you wait until she's grown to catch up with the rest of the them."

At this age, it's easy to tell who's nearing six and who's still close to four. With her birthday only a week earlier, Sasuke falls solidly into the latter range. The new school year is to start in three days.

She wants to go over to the other pink-haired girl, to ask what's wrong, but her father squeezes tightly at her hand. "My daughter is Uchiha," he says, insists. "If her brother can do it, so can she."

The direction still looks doubtful, but she signs Sasuke up without another word of protest. As they leave, she glances over her shoulder to search out the crying girl, but doesn't spot even a dot of pink anywhere.

Later, once they're home, her father tells her, "You're a Uchiha, Sasuke. You're going to be great one day. It's in your blood."

Though Sasuke is five, and doesn't quite understand yet, she takes these words to heart.

That's the problem.

.

Sasuke comes back from a special lesson in flower arranging with a civilian woman carrying a bundle of white lilacs and daffodils. With nothing else to do with it, she gives them to her brother. "Oh, thank you," he says when she holds them out to him. "Was this for class?"

Until a certain skill level is hit—or now a certain year, as the minimum graduation was legally made twelve six months ago—boys and girls are separated. Things like flower arranging are kunoichi specific, and so Itachi never had to learn it. Sasuke thinks that makes him pretty lucky. "It was boring," she says, and frowns. "The teacher said it was 'important.'"

Itachi smiles slightly before getting down to her level and snapping a daffodil stem. "This _is _very important," he says, tucking the flower into her hair. "One day you might need to disguise yourself as a civilian woman. Infiltration and intelligence is just as important as strength and speed. You need to remember that."

The petals tickle her temple. In all her short life, she's never actually heard any women discuss flower meanings like in class. "That's easy for you to say," she answers, and her frown deeps into a scowl. "You're smart and strong and fast. That's why everyone likes you best."

"Sasuke!"

Shrugging, she says, "Well, it's _true. _Everyone's always telling me how I'm not as good as you."

This hurt her at first, but now she's just used to it. After all, most years are split into a two to one ratio of boys and girl and, as a last minute addition, she became an extra kunoichi in training. If it weren't Itachi she was compared to, it would be someone else. And she has the best scores of her year, so that just wouldn't be fair. At least with her brother they're right.

Before she can explain all this though, Itachi reaches forward and taps her forehead. "You're still growing. Don't listen to them," he says, which means he doesn't realize she's talking about their parents, too. "Now, do you want a lesson in kunai throwing? I'm not occupied."

Since he so rarely has time, she jumps on the opportunity right away. He picks her up, doesn't complain when she talks the whole walk to the compound's training yard, and she thinks that maybe with his help, she'll be good enough one day to make their parents proud of her, too.

.

At seven, she shoots up in height, becoming the third tallest girl in her year, and has trouble keeping track of her suddenly awkward limbs. Father gets annoyed with her more quickly, and takes to training her himself on days Itachi breaks his promises so her scores stay so high. But Father's style of teaching hurts at lot more than her brother's, and he isn't afraid to hurt her for the sake of a lesson. It only takes a month before this becomes an issue.

The first time she ever hears Itachi and her parents fight is after her wrist is accidentally broken in a lesson on how to keep her emotions in check while under "high stress situations." Most of the argument is loud, but muffled, and the only thing she makes out clearly is her brother saying, "She's not me, she's not going to be. Give her time to grow on her own, or I swear, I'll bring her to the hospital for that arm right now."

Sasuke curls up in a tighter ball in her place on the front step where she waits for Itachi. Why the hospital is such a big deal when her wrist was already fixed up by a medical-nin in the family is she doesn't know, but it must be because she doesn't hear her father's answer. This was her own fault anyway; he's just really strong and wrist bones are delicate and she panicked and tried to pull away, so next thing she knew there was a snap. When her brother was seven, he'd already graduated. Here she is panicking and getting her bones broken as a result.

Maybe there was some mix up and she's not even a real Uchiha. Knowing her luck, she won't even develop the Sharingan.

A few minutes later Itachi emerges from Father's study, and gives her a rare, careful smile. "How about we go out for ice cream?"

She agrees, and takes his offered hand in hers. The popsicle they buy is two sticked and cherry flavored, and he hands her half. It almost makes breaking her wrist worth it.

.

More often than not, Itachi is gone, and both her parents won't train her, so Sasuke takes to spending time by herself. This is how she meets the boy.

It's after school, and she's waiting on the roof of the opposite building for her very late brother to come get her when the boy crashes into her life with yellow hair bright in the sun, and eyes an even brighter blue. "This is my spot," he tells her, and he's wrong.

"No, it's mine," she answers. "I'm here all the time."

"No, _I'm _here all the time." Before she has the chance to ask why they haven't seen each other, then, he points to the right of her and says, "See? It's even got my name on it."

There really is something scratched into the stone, and she has to squint to read it. "What sort of name is _Naruto?_"

When she looks back up, he's frowning. "A good one!" he says. Then, less offended, he asks, "Who are you?"

Considering that she has her family emblem on her back, people usually recognize her on sight. She's the first girl in generations to be a member of the family by birth rather than marriage, and practically her brother's double. "Uchiha Sasuke."

Naruto laughs. "Isn't that a boy's name?"

According to one of her cousins, her parents were so sure they were having a son they hadn't even thought of a girl's name. This is a comment she gets a lot. "So what if it is? What's your clan?"

"I don't have a clan," he answers. "My full name's Uzumaki Naruto."

"So you're a civilian's son?"

"No, I don't have parents."

That shuts up any retort she could think up next, and from the way he's looking at her, it's pretty obvious he thought he'd be recognized, too. Huh. Maybe he's popular or something. With hair like that, she wouldn't be surprised. "Well, I don't have any friends, and I don't think my own parents like me very much," she says, taking her pen out of her bag, "so I get this spot too."

As she scribbles her name next to his, Naruto says, "I can be your friend."

Her parents would probably disapprove of her being friends with anyone without a clan, but loneliness is boring. "Okay," she says, and adds her family name, too.

.

On the day Itachi blows off another promise to give her a lesson on his throwing technique, Sasuke grabs a whole bunch of her own and drags Naruto out to the woods. "It's just unfair," she says, trying it again on her own, and watching the kunai bounce lifelessly off the center of the target. "This is no use. No wonder he doesn't want to waste time on me."

Naruto picks up one of the kunai that rebounded, and flips it back and forth between his hands before throwing it himself. His technique is sloppy, and he misses the center by a lot, hitting the edge instead, but the tip imbeds into the wood. "Well, at least you still got better aim than me," he says, and shrugs. "What's so special about the way he does it? Why can't you just do it your own way?"

"Because I _look _like him—just a girl, of course," she answers, throwing one hard enough that it sticks for a moment before slipping out. "I'm supposed to be exactly like him, except I'm not good. Just look at this! I can't make them stay."

Itachi says it's because she just isn't strong enough yet, but that makes her feel worse. "And how can I get any better," she continues, handing Naruto another one, "if we're still just learning how to blend in with 'the civilian population?' Kurenai is amazing, and there's this sennin who's a girl. That's proof that girls _can _be as good as boys."

She doesn't need to look at her friend to know that she's making him awkward, but she's so annoyed she just can't help it. This is the third time in a row her brother broke his promise. And he didn't have a mission or anything; no, he didn't even give her an excuse. Somehow, that hurts even more.

Then Naruto's kunai sails past hers, and sinks itself into the wood right outside the target. With a frown of his own, he says, "You're better than me. I suck."

"You get it to stay!"

"You get the center!"

There's no point in getting the center if she doesn't do any damage. Her enemy would get a scratch. "If this keeps up, I'll never graduate top of our class, and I'll disgrace the family name."

Naruto says, "'Least we're graduating together. Who knows? Maybe we'll get lucky and be on the same team."

So he's kind of bad at a lot (she doesn't bring him around the house, too afraid her father will deem him an unworthy friend for a daughter of the Uchiha family), and didn't know how to read until about a year ago because he didn't have parents to teach him, but the thought of graduating together still makes her feel better. If she has to stupid and slow, at least she can be stupid and slow with a friend.

In the end, that's better than nothing.

.

Her cousin Shisui commits suicide, and other members of the family ask Itachi if he had anything to do with it, which she thinks is stupid, because there's no way her brother would have hurt his best friend.

"Sometimes, when really bad things happen without any seeable logic," he tells her later when everyone is gone and she refuses to leave his side, "people don't know how to accept it, so they find someone to blame."

All Sasuke knows about suicide is that it's considered disgraceful. She doesn't get why Shisui did it, either. "Are you blaming someone, Itachi?"

For a long moment, he just sort of looks at her. Then he says, "Placing blame is what we do," and doesn't elaborate.

.

After, her father starts training her again, and shows her the family's secret Kanton jutsu. "Your brother did it on the first time," he says after her second failure. "Go practice. Come back when you can do it."

On the second day she passes out from chakra exhaustion, and sleeps for six hours. She skips a day of school, and misses her regular to meet ups with Naruto three times.

A week later, a full seven days and hundreds of more tries than it took Itachi to learn it, she goes back to Father with the jutsu perfected. For once, he actually smiles at her, and afterwards touches the emblem on the back of her shirt. "Wear this proudly," he tells her. "This is what it means to be a daughter of the Uchiha clan. We're old clan built on old blood, founders of this village. You're smart—quick. You'll grow into greatness like the rest of us."

When she says, "Like Itachi?" something dark and almost angry passes over her father's face. "Oh."

For a moment, she thinks the look means that she'll never be as good as her brother no matter how hard as she tries, and that her achievement isn't much of an achievement. But then he says, "Sasuke, I need you to stop trying to be like your brother," and her disappointment shifts into surprise. "You're doing fine on the path you're on now. Your mother and I are proud of you."

"I thought—"

"Sasuke, if you want to make it in this world, stop following in your brother's footsteps. Do you understand me?"

This is the most confused she's felt in a long time, but she agrees because she doesn't want her father to realize she doesn't understand, not really. After a moment of examining her face, as if trying to decide if she's telling the truth, he sends her on her way.

They don't speak of it again.

.

"But Itachi, you _promised._"

He pokes her in the forehead hard enough to hurt. "Not today, Sasuke," he says, and stands to walk away. "Perhaps tomorrow."

With that, he leaves her in the silence of his bedroom, and she's too used to disappointment now for it to bother her.

.

Tomorrow comes, and in that tomorrow fits another twenty-four hours of watching her whole family die at her brother's hand.

By the time Kurenai, the direction of the kunoichi school, finds her the next day when coming to inquire why she missed class again, she's passed out in a pool of blood not her own with Itachi nowhere to be seen.

.

She can't sleep, she lost her voice. Make eye contact and you'll see the Sharingan, her mind tells her. Food suddenly turns to blood or worse, the chopsticks to blades, and she won't eat. Someone tries to touch her, she panics. Whenever she shuts her eyes, she sees her brother's shadow in the corner of the room.

A week the person everyone says is going to help her returns from a mission. Something happens, and Sasuke falls back into the world again. Sounds make sense. People are people. She knows her own name. When she shuts her eyes, she sees nothing.

Then her lack of sleep catches up to her, and the first thing she does is collapse.

"She's seven," she hears the trauma specialist that's been trying to help her say before she's completely unconscious. "Whatever he did to her, her mind just couldn't handle it. Thank you."

A voice she doesn't recognize answers, "I just should have known."

When she passes out, she dreams, but the fear is muted, and she doesn't wake up screaming.

.

Because she's so young, she's not allowed to live alone back at her house, and wouldn't want to even if she could. Instead she's stuck in the apartment building for orphans, given a suite to sleep, a weekly allowance, and Kurenai as a babysitter until she's twelve. It's not until she gets the knock on the door that she realizes what this means.

When she opens it, she doesn't find her teacher as expected, but Naruto. Oh. This is orphan housing. He's an orphan. She's an orphan. They have separate apartments, but the same building, of course. She should have known.

He isn't put off by her lack of hello. "I, uh, know you're here now, and didn't see you in the cafeteria, so I thought maybe I'd bring you some dinner," he says, and holds out a bowl of ramen. The liquid doesn't look like blood. The noodles don't look like anything worse. Food is food again. "I heard about happened. I'm really, really sorry, Sas—"

"Naruto, I don't think we should talk anymore."

His expression, which wasn't happy to begin with, slides into something somewhere between shocked and hurt. "Like, ever?"

"Yeah. Not ever," she answers, and shuts the door in his face.

There's a long moment of silence before she hears the bowl put against the floor and his footsteps retreat down the hall. That's when the tears start, and it's the first time she cries. She misses her friend already.

She _hates _Itachi—hates him for what he did, for not finishing her off, too, for leaving her with this curse. Orphaned, sister of a traitor, chosen for revenge. No, she can't get anyone else involved in this. It isn't fair. This is her burden, and hers alone.

It isn't fair to her, either, but her brother handed her this duty the moment he left her alive among her family of the dead. And if it's the last thing she ever does, she'll make him pay for this, because no one else can.

.

In the aftermath, she speaks to no one she doesn't absolutely have to, and throws herself into training. On written tests, Haruno Sakura could easily be considered her rival if not her match, but come anything else—infiltration, jutsu, combat, or steal exercises—Sasuke quickly shoots to the top of her class. The more tired she is, the less the nightmares hurt. The less people she talks too, the more emotions she doesn't have to feel.

It's not long before people are saying she'd already be a gennin if graduation laws weren't set in place. By the time the boys' and girls' schools merge under Iruka after Kurenai raises to jounin rank, the whole year knows the name Uchiha Sasuke for more than just her family's massacre.

Girls start growing their hair out the way she wears it, and watch longingly after the boys who watch her. The more she distances herself, the worse it gets, but even though the attention makes her uncomfortable, she doesn't try to hide herself behind her hair or clothes—she sticks to her v-neck and shorts and long hair. Let them look, let them speculate. She doesn't have to give them the time of day if she doesn't have to.

Past their first day in the same class where she just ignored him, the only one who doesn't look at her is Naruto. At one point Iruka tries to pair them as sparring partners, but she just says, "No," and Naruto immediately agrees.

The teacher seems at a loss, but it's been three years and people still treat her like she's about to break. Instead, he backs down, and pairs her with Kiba and Naruto with Sakura.

Three years have gone by, and the two of them still won't look each other's way.

.

Another two years pass, and she becomes a gennin after graduating with the highest scores of her year. Her reward is something she thought would be lucky when she was seven and knows the truth is otherwise now, because one of her teammates is Naruto.

To his credit, he doesn't seem too happy about having her, either, though he's more than pleased about getting Sakura. They're the only team to have two girls and one boy rather than the other way around. "How did you pass?" Sasuke asks once they're all alone, because their new jounin leader is so late that even Iruka left. "I saw you yesterday. You have no control."

His eyes narrow for a moment, something uncharacteristic of him in recent years, before going back to normal as he answers, "You've got _your _secret jutsu. Well, I've got mine."

"No, you don't. Who taught you, Iruka?"

There's a pause before he realizes what she's implying. "Hey, wait. No! It wasn't some pity pass."

"A person doesn't go from no control to control overnight."

"Yeah, well, you would know all about that, wouldn't you?"

Before the argument can get too heated, because that was just low, the door slides open, and the eraser Naruto set on the frame lands straight on their jounin leader's head. It slides with a _thump _to the floor, and Naruto must be really angry with her not to laugh at his own prank.

A quick glance around, the man's eyes focusing on each other them individually before settling on hers specifically as if this were her fault. "My first impression," he says, and she vaguely recognizes his voice, "is that I don't like any of you."

This whole situation is a joke. Sasuke isn't laughing.

.

They pass the test to stay gennin because Hatake Kakashi believes in second chances. Since she and Naruto live in the same building, walking back would mean walking back with him, and instead she wanders.

Somehow, she ends up back home.

It's silent and dusty. The front gate opened easily with the spare key still hidden in the wall, and she walks the stone pathways between the buildings with a detached sort of recognition. In a naïve sort of way, she thought this place would be frozen in time. That the only thing to have changed would be skeletons instead of full corpses. Instead someone's even cleaned up the blood. Plants and weeds are overgrown in every garden and crack between cobblestones. The windows are too covered in dust and grim to see through.

Every space is layered with different memories. In one alley, she can still see her uncle lying dead, but that was also where she one found a stray kitten at five and at six Itachi taught her division by using chalk on the wall of one of the buildings. Her brother was the Uchiha heir. He slaughtered everyone, abandoned Konoha, and in some way still gained the land regardless.

No matter where she looks, she can see him, just half a memory away.

Then, her house. There's still a hole in the front door where his shuriken had imbedded into it. Before she can open it, though, to see what's inside, a voice says from behind her, "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

She spins around, kunai thrown without having to look, but Kakashi's already caught it. "This is private property," she says once she gets over the shock that he's here. "Why are you following me?"

As he holds her kunai out for her to take, he answers, "I thought you might come here. It isn't a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Sasuke, go home."

Suddenly whatever hold this place has over her is broken, and she takes a glance over her shoulder, back to the mark in the door. This isn't a home. This is a mausoleum, and the living aren't welcome.

With her emotions not nearly as in check as she wants them to be, she says, "All right," and lets him lead her back outside.

.

"I had it, Sasuke!"

"No, you didn't, you were nowhere near it!"

"I was an inch away! Stop being such a show off."

Sasuke turns abruptly, about to lash out, but next thing she knows, Kakashi's restraining her while Sakura does the same to Naruto. It's not until she forces herself to relax that Kakashi releases her. "Something happened between the two of you, that much is clear," he says as Sakura lets go of Naruto, circling around so he's visible to all of them. "Whatever it was? It doesn't matter. You're a team now. You need to start acting like it—and that goes for both of you, not just Sasuke, Naruto."

As much as she wants to point out that she wasn't the one who started it, she refrains. After all, that's childish, and she's done with being treated like a traumatized little girl. "I understand."

"Good," Kakashi says, and the looks to her left. "Naruto? Sakura?"

Though scowling, Naruto still answers, "Yeah, yeah, I understand," and Sakura quickly agrees, though of course much more politely.

That seems like all for today, but Sasuke knows the moment something like this happens again, they'll get much worse than a telling off. She just hopes this woman doesn't lose her cat anymore, because three times is enough for all of them combined.

Did Itachi have to deal with this in the beginning? she wonders, and hates herself for even letting the thought cross her mind.

.

Whenever Sasuke imagined her first fight, she always thought it would be anticlimactic, like everyone claims. Instead it involves three Kiri-nin and a really horribly done disguise.

She's fighting off one, who Kakashi incapacitates, and jumps instinctively to the side when she sees a second charging her teammate and client.

It's not until the fight is over that she realizes she'd reacted for Sakura, not her charge, and this was what she was supposed to avoid.

.

Avoiding everyone from then on would have been preferable, but unfortunately, that isn't an option. Missions mean they're on top of each other, she doesn't know the land, and she can't just wander off. Training should have been a respite, but it quickly stops being one when Sakura makes it to the top of the tree first.

Even though it doesn't take Sasuke long to get there, too, it takes long enough. "You're a Uchiha," her father used to say to her all the time. "You were born to be great."

Now here she is, five years later, and she couldn't even make it up a tree the first time. Sakura doesn't understand. Maybe Kakashi does, maybe he doesn't—he must have known some of her family to make his way around the compound. But Naruto does, because there was a point where she told him everything.

"I'm going to go train. Thank you for the food," Sasuke says, standing, and ignores the way Naruto's eyes follow her as she walks away.

.

When Sasuke's Sharingan activates for the first time in the dome of mirrors, the whole word suddenly comes alive.

The Sharingan isn't perfect, she can actually _feel_ that, but it's good enough. Haku attacks—from the left, right, top. Naruto is a little bigger than her, but shorter, and easy enough to pick up and get out of the way along with her. Each needle misses her by a significant enough space. Only a few attacks, and she's predicting Haku's moves before he makes them.

This is draining her chakra and she knows it, but it won't be long before she has an opportunity to attack. And she'd rather not kill, if she's going to be honest, but Naruto's hurt to the point of unconsciousness, and she's not in top shape herself. If it comes to it, it comes to it. She's a kunoichi. Killing is inevitable.

If she's ever going to kill Itachi one day, she has to learn not to cry about it.

But then—

It doesn't take much more than a thought before she throws herself in front of her teammate, unarmed but willing to do what it takes. She thrusts her arm out to block a killing blow to her neck, and doesn't scream when the needle slides between the bones in her hand. Wait—the needles! As gross and as dangerous as it is, she's faster than Haku is when he isn't hiding in his mirrors, so she makes it in enough time to block his next two needles when she rips one out of her arm, knocking them uselessly to the side.

Though she can feel her chakra draining already, she has enough still in her that when Haku goes to attack her full on, close quarters, and this time she doesn't dodge. Instead she moves right into it, evading enough to avoid the worst to the damage, and gets her less injured hand on his chest. Before he can react, she focuses as much chakra as she can into her palm like she did with her feet earlier on the tree, and shoves him _hard._

That's the final straw for her body. The Sharingan flickers out; the colors lose their vibrancy, movement speeds up, the world is less clear. In her exhaustion, she doesn't notice the last three needles until they're too late.

She passes out from the final hit and chakra exhaustion, and never hits the ground, because Naruto gets his arms around her first.

.

After everything is done, and the bridge saved, Kakashi pulls the needles from her body, and something occurs to her. "It was you, wasn't it?" she asks as he starts on the ones in her back. "In the hospital. You used the Sharingan on me."

He pulls out one near her spine that hurts worse than the rest. She's too tired to care. "I was wondering when you'd recognize me."

"I don't," she says, and feels like she's admitting something because she's smart enough that she should remember a detail like that. "Seeing yours made me realize you used a genjutsu to counteract the effects of genjutsu."

"Sort of. What I did can easily end up a double edged sword—this is going to hurt." The next one is in her shoulder blade, brushing against her bone, and he's not wrong. "Genjutsu trauma is common. In most cases, the hospital offers psychiatric help, but you weren't responding."

Though she wants to ask why he has a Sharingan, she leaves the question alone for another day. Right now she just needs to know what the man she's putting her trust in as her leader did to her head when she was a child. "So what was your solution, then?" she says. "How's it a double edged sword?"

As he comes back in front of her to take the needle from her hand, he answers, "The Sharingan can affect a person's memory in its more advanced form. I haven't reached that point, but it was enough that I could dampen the memories. But go back into that house of yours or do something else to trigger a strong memory, and that's gone."

"So that's why you followed me home."

"This is going to hurt," he says again, but she just grips her teeth against the pain, and he continues, "You're one of my gennin. I wasn't going to let you risk it."

Her hand is bleeding once the needle is out, and he bandages it quickly. She was supposed to be the good one, she has the bloodline, the Sharingan, the _skill_, and it was Naruto who beat Haku and saved her. Kakashi says he damped the memories, but she still dreams of Itachi's eyes every night.

Not feeling was easy. She really hates that Team Seven is forcing her to care about them enough to risk her life.

.

In the aftermath, things settle between her and Naruto. She took away his one friend by shutting a door in his face, and she understands this. Apparently he hasn't realized yet that she took away her friend that day, too.

Somehow, when they reach Konoha, he manages to get his hands on an apple. "You still like them, right?" he says, holding it out to her, and it's not like her offering him food the day of Kakashi's test or him bringing her dinner because she spent a week barely eating.

This is casual. This is friendly.

This is bad.

Even so, she says, "Thanks," and wipes it off on her shirt after accepting it. The bandage came off her hand today, but her palm is scarred.

They split after, and she climbs a tree to get a moment of solitude before returning to her busy apartment building. From here the compound is visible just barely, and she tries not to think about what Kakashi said. On one hand, she's curious, but on the other, she can't imagine it being any worse than how she remembers. She's not in the mood to find out.

That's when he hears the commotion below. Naruto and Sakura are there, of course, but a kid who can't be much older than ten she vaguely recognizes as the Hokage's grandson is held up by someone with a Sunagakure head protector. In no stretch of the imagination would Sasuke consider herself a good person, but even she has reservations against hurting children, so despite how good this apple looks, she takes aims at the older boy's wrist and throws.

It hits right on the mark, and the Hokage's grandson lands sitting on the ground. When everyone looks up in her direction, neither of her teammates look surprised to see her there, though Sakura's eye rolls speaks a thousand words. "What are you doing here?" Sasuke asks, twisting so her legs dangle off the branch. "You know, besides tormenting children half your size."

The Suna-nin's face colors under his makeup, and Sasuke suddenly places the time of year—it's the advance to the next school year, as well as the chuunin exams. She hadn't known they were in Konoha this year.

If she's lucky, maybe Kakashi will put her through. Chuunin are given more complicated missions, which are one step closer to her brother, and one step closer to being free to do what she wants. After five years, she's starting to get lonely, and there's only one way to make that stop.

In the end, she doesn't care how bloody she needs to get her hands to do it.

.

She gets her contract without having to ask, and signs it immediately.

Later that night, she activates her Sharingan while looking in the mirror just to see if she can do it on demand, and all of the sudden, it's her brother's eyes staring back at her. The resulting panic ends in broken glass and a final understanding of what Kakashi meant.

.

With her Sharingan, she passes the first chuunin test easily enough, and finishes half the questions without having to cheat. Sakura could probably finish the whole thing without help. Sasuke doesn't want to risk the time.

When her eyes find Naruto, she sees he hasn't done anything. Must not have figured it out then, or at least not figured out how. Maybe he can't. Some of these are pretty inventive. She particularly likes the puppet and the mirrors, even if she doesn't like the ones working them, and the third Suna-nin's eye is just weird. The plants are obvious, though Sakura and Shikamaru could easily pass as two if they weren't clearly so young. Both Neiji and Hinata are doing something similar to her, and Ino's using possession to help her team. Sasuke makes note to watch out for that one.

From their methods in this room, Sasuke knows the Suna-nin are the ones to look out for, and Ino, too, though it takes perfect aim for that to work, she remembers. Neiji, obviously, from the rumors; Hinata, alternatively, is a nonissue unless she grew exponentially since the Academy. While Naruto appears useless, he's not, and she's really starting to understand that. Both Shikamaru and Sakura are smart, which is dangerous in a different sort of way, and Sakura has nearly perfect chakra control. Earlier Lee proved he was someone to look out for, too.

Oh, this is going to be fun. There's going to be one on one fighting eventually, she Sasuke just hopes she goes against someone good. Some of the people here even seem like they might be challenges.

This is a room of monsters, and Sasuke wouldn't mind proving she ranks right up there with the rest of them.

.

At first, the Forest of Death really isn't so bad. But then comes the man, the snakes, and the bite. The pain is like nothing Sasuke's ever felt before, and even the embarrassment of Naruto having to save her against isn't enough to diminish it.

She doesn't pass out right away. Sakura has her arms around her, trying to hold her upright, and Sasuke can actually feel her temperature rising. A few feet away, Naruto lies injured, and now they have no scroll at all. You're not the real Sasuke, he'd said. She'd never give up like that.

Well, she had, and this is price for it. A bleeding neck, a mark on her shoulder according to Sakura, and the effects of exactly what Kakashi told her to avoid—she'd only felt killing intent like that once before, after all. Hurting herself was the only option to snap out of her. Her father taught her years ago that sometimes pain is the only option.

There's a heat in her body and in her mind, and she's not thinking straight when she says, "We have to move. Now."

"We should, but we can't. I can't carry both of you," Sakura answers, and before Sasuke can point out that she can walk, her friend continues, "You're about to fall over. Sleep. I'll protect you."

Sakura has the best control, but she's the weakest out of all of them. It should be Sasuke protecting her. "I'm fine," she hears herself say. "We have to, we have to."

The world comes rushing in dark, the opposite of the Sharingan, and everything dims. Sasuke doesn't have time to think before the heat takes over her mind and everything fades.

.

It's late in the day, some time around dusk, and Sasuke is six. Itachi stands behind her, maneuvering her body and holding her wrist to teach her how to throw. Not too far away is a target painted on a tree right outside the walls of the compound.

Now lean your hand back, just a little, her brother says, using his fingers to adjust hers. All right. Eyes on the target?

She grins. It's almost never that Itachi takes the time to give her a lesson like this. Eyes on the target, she answers, and lets him adjust her elbow. Now?

As he backs away from her, he says, You should be ready.

The kunai, which will later become her favorite weapon, soars with perfect trajectory towards the center of the target. She turns, goes to look at him for approval, but he puts his hand on the top of her head, and keeps her eyes steady to watch the result.

I told you, Sasuke, he says as the tree morphs suddenly into their mother. You should be ready.

When the blade connects, burying in her chest, Sasuke tries to run forward, but Itachi grabs her first, hand over her mouth. The forest falls away, the trees widen, the leaves become a roof, and she's back in her home while her parents lie dead on the floor, and their blood's on her hands instead.

Sharingan eyes stare at her in the darkness and the Mangekyo is fire burning her through.

.

She wakes to damaged Oto-nins and half the applicants from her own village all standing around. There's something wrapped around her, too, and after a moment, she realizes Sakura's holding her from behind, face pressed to her shoulder.

Though still dazed from whatever the man did to her earlier and the weird dream, Sasuke still has enough of her mind working to ask, "What happened?"

There's a beat of awkward silence before Neiji answers, "_You _happened, Uchiha."

One of the Oto-nins hands over the scrolls in exchange for their lives even though Sasuke still doesn't understand why everyone's acting so afraid of her. Everyone but Naruto, who's still unconscious, and Sakura, who refuses to let go of her hand.

.

The next time she tries to use the Sharingan, all the air is sucked from lungs from the pain. Whatever the thing on her neck is _burns_, and it's not that it's blocking off her chakra—no, it's draining it. Considering her moves rely on so much already, this is a problem.

By the time Kabuto comes, she's feeling as useless as everyone said she was as kid. "Fight me," she tells him. "If I win, we get the scroll we need. You already said you have both."

He answers, "It's better if we help each other," so fast she knows he didn't even consider it. Maybe he's one of those shinobi who refuses to hit women. There are enough out there, and she's not some delicate flower. She graduated best her class, she can fight. Even with this sudden handicap with the Sharingan, she can still fight.

Then Sakura asks, "How?" and Kabuto's reasoning is too sound to ignore.

Itachi became a chuunin at ten, her parent's pride and joy, and raising ranks three months after graduation would finally mean she's done something better than him.

.

When they find out they pass from Iruka, she's relieved enough that she actually lets Sakura hug her. Five minutes later, though, after the finding out about the preliminary rounds, Sasuke's appreciation for the girl plummets when she says, "You should forfeit now."

She's made it pretty clear to both her teammates why this important to her, so Sasuke thinks she has a right to be offended. "I'm fine," she says, crossing her arms. "This is just the preliminaries."

"But—"

"If you try to stop me, I'm never going to forgive you."

That silences Sakura instantly, and even Naruto keeps his mouth shut for once. The last thing Sasuke wants is for him to find out about the mark, because the last thing she needs is for him of all people to think she's weak. "Just be careful, then," Sakura says quietly, tucking her newly short hair behind her ear. "And _don't _use the Sharingan. Promise?"

Before Sasuke has a chance to answer, the board lights up, and her name appears on screen. "I'll make it quick," she says, and it's as close to a promise as her teammate is going to get.

.

Sitting in a giant circle with scribbles all over her bodies makes Sasuke more nervous than she wants to admit, and it only gets worse when Kakashi picks up on it. "This is going to hurt. You'll probably pass out from the pain," he says, and she's so sick of doing that by now that he isn't helping. "I'll be careful not to hurt you more than I have to."

"I can handle it."

As he finishes the final line on the edge of the circle, he says, "I've noticed. What got you to regain control over yourself?"

Naruto yelling for her is the real answer, but she doesn't want to admit that. It's just that she had a sudden reminder of childhood, some stupid day when they were seven and she was had almost exhausted herself from a jutsu her father had taught her. He kept telling her to keep going, because he's been that pushy since he was six. The only difference is that it managed to become annoying as they aged.

"I told Sakura I would make it quick," she says instead. "That would have made it longer."

Even though the way he raises his eyebrow seems skeptical, he doesn't question her, and instead positions himself near her shoulder. "Don't feel bad if you scream," he tells her, and puts his hand down right against the seal.

She doesn't make a sound.

.

Waking in the hospital wasn't what she expected, and she hadn't meant to knock over the small vase of daffodils. Really.

"Sakura brought them for you," Kakashi says, putting them back on the end table, and Sasuke tries not to look at them. "We need to talk about your next match."

When she was younger, she picked daffodils a lot because Itachi liked them. Sakura couldn't have known, but they aren't helping. "Hard, or easy?"

"It's the Suna boy. Gaara, without the eyebrows. He destroyed Lee's body."

That's enough to get her attention. Sure, the kid was weird and his technique easy to replicate with the Sharingan, but he was still good enough to gain her respect. "Destroyed as in how?"

Putting down his book, Kakashi answers, "His arm, leg, and spine are shattered. There's a chance he'll never be able to be a shinobi after he's released, even with extensive rehabilitation. Gaara has a layer of indestructible sand around him that can't be breached, even with Lee's technique, and he can do much more than what you saw."

"You aren't telling me to forfeit too, are you?" After Sakura, Sasuke isn't sure she take anyone else.

But Kakashi just shakes his head. "You're going to need private training. I think I know how to beat him."

"What about Naruto? Sakura?"

"Naruto is advancing. Sakura and Ino, her opponent, lost in a draw."

This comes as a bigger disappointment than Sasuke thought it would, but she's seen what Sakura can do. More than that, she's heard about what happened in the Forest of Death. Sakura's not spectacular, but she at least deserved to advance. But she and Ino hated each other, if Sasuke remembers correctly. She wouldn't be surprised if that got in the way of a fight.

Still. What happens with Sakura isn't her biggest concern. "So when do we start?" she asks, because the sooner the better.

As he stands, Kakashi says, "The meeting point is on the paper under the vase. Come whenever you think you're well enough to leave the hospital. And, if you beat Gaara and Naruto beats Neiji, your next opponents are each other."

Sasuke waits until he exits the room, and concentrates to listen for his footsteps walking away. The moment she's sure he's gone, she throws off the covers, and starts looking for her clothes. Even if she isn't fully healed yet, it doesn't matter. If she can beat Gaara, if she can beat Naruto (who better beat Neiji, because she _really _wants to fight him), then she can go on to become a chuunin. She can get one step closer to reaching her goal.

On her way out, she accidentally knocks the daffodils to the floor. Hopefully Sakura won't take that as too much of a personal insult, because Sasuke's not hanging around long enough to fix it.

.

They focus on taijutsu first, using Lee's as a baseboard and then adding her own twists. Unlike him, she can chakra, and utilizes that ability to its fullest, focusing it where she needs for a power boost. Kakashi saw the saw, saw how it fast it was. According to him, she's probably faster than the outer layer, but the shell Gaara uses will still be too quick.

A week, Kakashi tells her, "Stop using so much chakra. If you waver, the seal's going to pull it from you, and any moves you try are going to be useless, and you're faster than most shinobi already."

"You still haven't told me what this is," she says, brushing her bangs out of her face. Sakura had the right idea cutting her hair. "And I know you know. I'm not an idiot."

Kakashi's silent for a while he puts his hand on her shoulder without the seal and pushes her to sit down on one of the rocks. "His name's Orochimaru. He's one of the three sennin of Konoha, and he defected. The mark means he wants you to become one of his men—or, more specifically, he wants to possess you, and use your body to achieve immortality because his is getting old."

The mark was already creepy enough without finding out she was in line for possession. "And what, he thinks I'm actually going to go along with that?" she says. "Who—"

"With the training he'd give you, you'd be strong enough to kill Itachi first." When she shuts her mouth, he continues, "But whatever you do, Sasuke, just…don't go with him."

"Didn't we just go over that I'm not an idiot?" she says. "Even for revenge, I'm not going to let someone use my body. I have a little more dignity than that."

Another bout of silence, and then Kakashi takes a seat next to her. "There's this talk that all shinobi, but specifically kunoichi are supposed to get before their first mission without their jounin leader," he says, and she can already see where this is going. They get a version of it in the Academy. "If I'd known there was going to be a Forest of Death, I would have given it to you and Sakura earlier. When it comes to captive situations and interrogations, kunoichi get the worse treatment, usually. Rape is outlawed in most of the allied Hidden Villages, but I doubt the same's true for Otogakure. Just because you're twelve won't change things."

In the Academy, she heard this too, but it was more long-winded and a lot less blunt. Even so, she does know it's usually one of the harsher interrogation techniques. "So you really think—_that _would happen?"

"Manipulation comes in a lot of different forms, Sasuke."

She's not even considering it, and she thinks he knows it, and doesn't like that he seems to doubt her enough to think this talk is even necessary. Though, from the sound of it, she'd be getting this eventually.

As she stands, she says, "All right, then. I guess you just have to show me this new move so I can run him through instead next time I see him."

It's hard to tell under the mask, but she thinks he smiles at that.

.

Another week passes, and she masters the Chidori. The effects of chakra exhaustion kick in immediately.

By the time the day of the third test comes, she can do two in a row.

.

Naruto's already in the arena when she arrives, and she'll never admit out loud that she's actually disappointed to miss the match. That said, his hug comes as a surprise. When did he get as tall as she is?

"I won," he tells her, "so kick Gaara's ass so I can beat you, too."

The ref calls him away too quick for her to answer, leaving her alone with Gaara. There's killing intent raising off of him in waves. She's late, and he's probably angry, but she doesn't care. Naruto won, and that means she actually has a chance to fight him now.

When the match begins, she makes the first attack. Gaara's sand is too slow, but his inner shell protects him, and that's okay because all she needs to do is piss him off first.

.

Here she is, curled up on the branch of a tree with her ribs broken, seal taking over her body, and Sakura dying. Naruto's arrival is cutting it too close to too late. "You're the one with the excess amount of chakra," Sasuke says, gripping at the bottom of his shirt. "Use all of it if you have to. Just save Sakura."

Right now she doesn't care about Itachi, she doesn't care about her damn pride, and she doesn't even really care about Konoha—that's Sakura, stuck to a tree by stand, with her life slowly squeezed out of her. She's dying, and it's not quick. It's not painless. It's going to hurt, and she's going to suffer, and Sasuke's not losing anyone else. The seal just isn't letting her fight her own battle.

Gaara, or the thing that Gaara turned into, makes a noise halfway between a snarl and a roar. Even though she can't see herself, Sasuke knows the lines aren't receding, and she told Kakashi she was stronger than this. She _told _him—

"Hurry the fuck up, you idiot, and save her."

For a second, Naruto's fingers touch her hair. Then he's gone, and Sasuke struggles to get a kunai out for a last line of defense if he fails. This can't be the end for her, for them, but if it is, at least she's dying for her team.

.

Even though her injuries were nowhere near as bad as Naruto's or even Sakura's, something about the seal amplifies the damage, and Sasuke's in the hospital the longest. She misses the Hokage's funeral. It gives her too much time on her hands to think about how stupid she was back there, really willing to risk dying like that without doing what she has to, and how Naruto had to save her again. There's this general belief that kunoichi aren't as strong as their male counterparts. That's why there are always more boy trainees in the Academy than girls.

Sasuke always thought she'd broken the stereotype.

As a gennin without parents, at least she's a legal adult and can sign herself out early if she wants. The medical-nin stares at her disapprovingly, but can't say anything against it. Getting to back to her apartment would mean maybe seeing Naruto, and she doesn't want to do that. Being in town risks running into anyone else. Konoha still looks destroyed, whole buildings covered in scaffolding as civilian construction workers patch things up, or shinobi helping out by climbing walls with chakra. There's a crack in the Hokage monument.

This is her village, and it's destroyed. As much as she wants revenge, she can't understand why Orochimaru would ever think she'd follow him after doing this to the place she calls home.

.

There's a letter under her door when she arrives back at her thankfully intact apartment (with a view of the damaged Academy three streets down from the window) from Kakashi saying to meet him at nine tomorrow by a sweet shop downtown, which means that area must not have been touched that badly. When the knock comes, she automatically assumes it's Sakura, who she legitimately wants to know the condition of, and opens it.

Instead of Sakura, she finds Naruto holding a bowl of miso soup. "I know you don't like ramen or sugar," he says, and she's too surprised to shut the door in his face, "but I also know food always makes me feel better, and this is the next best thing."

She blinks, realizes what he's saying, and answers, "I'm fine," but he's already forced himself past her. "Hey, I didn't say you could come in."

Apparently her lack of invitation doesn't bother him, because all he does is put the bowl down on her table. There's even a spoon. "Wow, I always thought this place would be neat, but this is _spotless_," he says. "How do you do it?"

"I clean regularly, like a normal person," she says, frowning. "What are you doing here, Naruto?" The question, _are you here to rub it in my face that apparently you're better? _goes unasked.

"Remember that time when we were kids and we said we were going to run away from Konoha because your cousin asked why you even bothered trying and that older kid beat the shit out of me for no reason?" he says, which is somehow even more surprising than him showing up at her door.

Though she hasn't thought about it in years, she does remember—she was having trouble getting her fingers to move right to make seals, so everyone got pissed at her, and when she went to go find Naruto to complain, he was covered in cuts and bruises. With his memory as bad as it is, she never though he would remember something like that, too, considering they were only six at the time.

She doesn't get a chance to say anything, because he beats her to it. "You know, seeing as I'm going to be Hokage one day and all, it's a pretty good thing that we didn't run away, but I still liked you a lot better when you actually smiled."

Without that, he leaves, and when she spins around to protest that excuse him, but just because she prefers not to smile to him doesn't mean she doesn't smile at all, but this time, she's the one who gets the door in her face. From what the creaking floors in the hallways give away, she can tell he doesn't wait around for her reaction, either.

After a moment of just standing there, she throws out the miso soup, and curls up on her bed, trying to tell herself that hadn't hurt her as much as it did.

.

She's sitting at Kakashi's bedside waiting for answers from the other jounin when the man comes running in. "Is it true that Itachi's returned?" he says, and she snaps her eyes from Kakashi to him. "And that he's after Naruto?"

Like that, all the air leaves her lungs. Someone says, "You fucking idiot!" and by the time Kurenai's reached out hand to grab her, Sasuke's already gone.

Even if she doesn't know exactly where Naruto is, it shouldn't be too hard to find him. Sasuke throws all her concentration into tracking him, trying to block out the image of her brother's blade going through his back.

.

When she comes across them finally, the sight of Itachi makes nothing else matter. Not the man next to him, not Naruto staring at him with terrified recognition as he knows her story. It's just her, and Itachi, except her brother is seeing so much more than she is.

The Sharingan activates with her thinking about it. "It's been a while, Sasuke," he says, and he was thirteen at the time, so she shouldn't really be surprised his voice sounds different. To someone else, he adds, "This is the little sister I was telling you about."

A shiver racks her body, and everything she's feeling is condensed and muddled and doesn't make much sense. "Hello, Itachi," she says, and her voice doesn't sound like her own, either. "I see you've been talking about me."

"Well, when you join an organization, it's a good idea to mention if your massacres had any survivors who might come seeking revenge."

"Survive—_you left me_."

With his Sharingan, more advanced than hers, he'll be able to see everything, but speed is still speed, and the chakra gathers until she has a fully developed Chidori sparking around her hand. Adrenaline makes her fastest than usual, Itachi hasn't had a chance to move yet, and for a second she really thinks she can do it. That's the worst part.

Instead Itachi just grabs her wrist, and snaps it, like all that chakra can't hurt him at all. "You're getting in the way, little sister," he says over her scream, and next thing she knows, she's in a heap down the hall, having landed right on her wrist.

Naruto's chakra explodes, terrifying and all encompassing, and Sasuke doesn't lift her head in time to see what so suddenly stops it. All she knows is that next second some other guy shows up, ranting about something or another, and it gives her the opportunity to pull herself back up. You can ignore pain. A broken wrist is just a broken wrist. Father showed her that years ago.

And Itachi defended her when she came to him in tears. Had he really only been pretending to like her for that long?

When she comes at him again, she does so from behind, and he's distracted enough by the new person that her kunai gets him in the side as he evades her attack. But he recovers fast, and then there's a knee to her abdomen followed by a punch to her solar plexus and finally a hand at her throat, holding her against the wall. Naruto calls out, but Sasuke can see clearly now that Itachi's just too strong, and they're both useless in the face of him.

Just as her Sharingan deactivates, a voice from somewhere behind says, "You shouldn't use your eyes so many times in one day," and the memories Kakashi dampened years ago rush back as she realizes what's about to happen.

"Hey, wait, don't—not again!"

It's not any easier the second time around.

If anything, it's worse.

.

This time, food stays food and people can touch her, because she's older and she could handle it, maybe. But sleeping is impossible and she's afraid to shut her eyes and nothing seems to make sense the way it should.

"Where's Kakashi?" she asks on the third day, unable to take the nightmares. "I want Kakashi."

Whoever this medical-nin is, he just sets his mouth in a line and keeps working Sasuke's wrist. "He's still bedridden," the medical-nin answers, and holds her arm steady when her body shutters. "Hey, you're going to be okay."

Their father died first, trying to shield his wife. Itachi made her watch it from his eyes, that's what Kakashi blocked last time. She wants it blocked again. She wants to stop feeling herself killing her family. They had a cousin, age fifteen, and she—no, Itachi—ran her through the back.

She'd been engaged to a civilian.

Right when Sasuke starts crying, horrified by her own reaction, Sakura enters, and the medic backs out quietly. "Sasuke, Sasuke, calm down," her friend says, and climbs onto the bed. They had an aunt, her aunt, and she in the middle of making the seals for the family Kanton jutsu. "You're safe. Konoha is safe."

"It wasn't me, it wasn't me." Breathing is suddenly hard, and she can feel her—no, Itachi's, _because Itachi is the one who killed everyone_—katana go through their mother's ribs. Sakura wraps her arms around her, and Sasuke twists her hand in her friend's shirt, face pressed to her shoulder. "It wasn't me, it really wasn't, I swear—"

"I know, we know," Sakura says, and the grip of her arms tightens. "Sasuke, you're safe as long as you're with me."

Sasuke doesn't believe her.

.

When Naruto returns with the Fifth Hokage, Sasuke's childhood hero heals her with only a couple simple touches. "What happened to your wrist?" Tsunade asks. "Not this time. Last time. Whoever did set it did a terrible job. You're lucky you can throw properly."

Even though she's healed physically, she's still having trouble thinking, which has to be the only justifiable reason she answers, "My father wanted to teach me not to scream."

She misses Sakura's horror and Naruto's balled fists. Instead she thinks, It didn't work, and feels even more ashamed of herself than before.

.

At seven, she mastered the Kanton jutsu in a week, a full seven days and who knows how many tries more than her brother. It was the first time since she was registered to the Academy that her father told her, "You're a Uchiha, Sasuke," with pride instead of reprimand. Wear this proudly, he'd said. This is what it means to be the daughter of the Uchiha clan.

She's Uchiha Sasuke, daughter of head family of the final line of the Uchiha clan, the clan that helped found Konoha. She's the hope for the family, the last of them, and that bloodline is hers.

So why does this clan-less kid who couldn't even hit the center of a target at seven suddenly have the power to progress so quickly?

Her attempts to pick a fight lead her as far as the hospital roof, but Naruto just ends up planting himself where he is. "I'm not going to attack you," he says in a voice that makes her sound like she's a child and he's an adult with some great wisdom when his whole life is nothing but thoughtless, stupid mistakes and attention-seeking pranks. "I want to fight you, too, but not like _this._"

"I'm fine," she snaps, and doesn't think about how she uses those words more often than not lately. "What is it, Naruto? Too afraid to be beaten by a girl? If you've forgotten somehow, I should remind that I've been better than you since we were children."

"I—I've learned a lot since the Forest of Death!" he says, which means she's getting to him already. "But that's not the point. You're barely standing, you—stop acting like you think you're better than everyone else when we both know you don't!"

She doesn't think she's better than everyone else, yeah, but she doesn't need to. All right, so she hasn't slept in days, and she's barely eaten, and this is the first time she's spoken in more than monosyllables in a comprehensible way since the hotel, _but she's perfectly fine_, because Itachi was wrong. She isn't useless. She wasn't getting in the way. She's the daughter of the Uchiha family, she's the last hope for the clan, and Naruto's is the one who's the screw up.

This isn't fair, and she's sick of being confused.

From the doorway, Sakura calls out, "Naruto's right, the insomnia's affecting you still, you can't," and that's enough. When Sasuke blinks, the Sharingan activates.

Now finally, _finally _Naruto understands she's serious. "I'm not going to go easy on you just because you have a stupid inferiority complex," he says, and she attacks.

.

Not ten minutes later, and Naruto's flung away towards the water tower by the ankle while Kakashi takes advantage of her much thinner body to snag her by the waist instead. But her adrenaline doesn't fail even as the Sharingan does, and it isn't hard to struggle out of his grasp.

Even so, she doesn't try to attack again. As Naruto emerges from the water tower, Kakashi says, "What were the two of you thinking, fighting on the hospital roof? You could have killed each other."

"Sasuke started it," Naruto says, and rubs the back of his head. "Blame her."

Kakashi rounds on her immediately. "You," he says, "stay here. We're having a talk when I'm done." Turning back to Naruto, he continues, "And you, you shouldn't have let her get to you. Do you see the damage behind you? Were you _trying _to kill your teammate? Because one hit of that and she'd be dead."

"She had the Sharingan, it never would have connected!"

"I thought you knew better than to be reckless enough to take that risk, Naruto. You two are on the same team—partners, allies, however you want to think of it—and you need to focus on fighting everyone else, not each other." Then he goes back to her, which means she's the lucky winner that's going to get two talks in row. "So what was it, Sasuke? This is a pretty unconventional place to start a fight."

She plans not to answer, but Naruto, that traitor, says for her, "She ran into her brother, who broke her wrist, and then did something weird with his Sharingan. Why do I have to get a lecture? She started it!"

When she tries to move towards her teammate again, Kakashi wraps his arm around her ribs and forces her back. "Change of plans. Naruto, Sakura, get out of here. Naruto, we'll talk later."

"But I didn't—"

"Naruto, we should go," Sakura says, and when she grabs her arm, he actually leaves with her.

Once the door to the roof slams, the tension decreases, not increases as she expected. "Sit down, I want it harder for you to run away," Kakashi says, and gestures to his left.

"I—"

"Sasuke."

She sits, scowling, against raised edge of the hospital roof, and he crouches down to her level. It's not until she feels the adrenaline rush finally ending that she realizes this was actually just to make the exhaustion kick in again. "So you've now had the Mangekyo used on you twice," he says, and it isn't a question, so she doesn't justify it without an answer. "I'm guessing you remember, then."

This isn't a question, either, but still, she nods, and wonders if he learned the full extent of it when she was younger. "He used on you, too, didn't he?"

"Yeah, he did, but just the pain. No images," Kakashi says. "When's the last time you slept?" She shrugs. "If I hadn't cut in, that attack would've connected. Insomnia has side effects even the Sharingan can't help."

Now that she's calmer, she's starting to see that, too. Her reaction times were slower, her speed not exactly at its best. She keeps quiet, and when he must realize she's not going to talk, he adds, "Look, you've been in and out of the hospital since the second test. That seal was a big enough setback, and then there's this. Sakura and Naruto have had this whole time to train, and you've gotten roughly three weeks out of nearly three months. I can keep training you once you've gotten some sleep, but only if you stop."

She looks up at him, confused. "Stop what?"

"I've seen what revenge does to people," he answers. "You're not going to have any satisfaction beyond superficial after you get it. There are people in Konoha who care about you, and you probably shouldn't repay that by trying to kill them."

This time, he lets the quiet sit, and it takes her a minute to gather her thoughts. "Why is he going after Naruto?" she asks eventually. "Who was that man he was with? He was blue, or something, or at least I think."

When all this happened, she'd been out of the hospital for a day, and even she knows she wasn't in any condition to fight, especially not against Itachi. But then she found Kakashi unconscious and that jounin said her brother was after Naruto, and they aren't the only people who care, though it's a liability for her. It's just that she knows what Itachi can do, could do, and if he could kill the entirety of the Uchiha family, then thirteen-year-old Naruto wouldn't stand a chance. His insane chakra stamina doesn't matter, and against her better judgment, she's still spend a lot of time thinking about how close she was to finding him dead, or worse.

Sasuke refuses to go through that again.

"He's another missing-nin in the bingo book," Kakashi tells her. "We don't know everything, and some of it's confidential, but you can know this much, I suppose. It seems as though your brother joined an organization called the Akatsuki. I don't know what they want with Naruto, and I wasn't able to get answers."

The Akatsuki. At least now she has a name. "A Sharingan can counteract a Sharingan," she says. "Can you show me how to combat the Mangekyo? If he goes after Naruto, then I'm going to encounter him no matter what I say. I just don't want to have that weakness anymore."

"It'll make you the only one here immune, so, yes, I will," he says, and stands, holding out his arm. "Do I have your word this won't happen a second time?"

Again, she nods, and takes his hand so he can pull her up. "He told me I was just in the way," she says, and wonders when she let herself become comfortable enough to talk to him. She's too soft, now. "That's when he broke my wrist."

Kakashi sighs. "You're here, Sasuke. Your brother's not," he says. "He can only matter as long as you let him."

That seems to be the end of the conversation, because he takes her by the shoulder and steers her back inside. People only matter as long as you let them. Though she never thought about it directly, she'd been under the assumption that on some level she must still matter to Itachi, and that was why he left her alive.

Looking down at her arm, she decides he must have been an even better liar than she thought, and maybe Kakashi is right.

.

All she wanted to do was go for a walk because she couldn't sleep, and she assumed Konoha would be safe enough for midnight stroll. A second fight in one day after a still unbroken bout of insomnia wasn't part of the plan. To make it worse, her chakra is still so low from the failed Chidori against Naruto earlier that she can't even use the Sharingan without risking this seal.

This _has _to be karma.

The person holding her up looks completely unhurt, though she landed every blow, and even tired she should be strong enough to leave a dent. "Why Orochimaru would want a weakling like her," he says, and the name sends a jolt down Sasuke's spine. "Kimimaro was a lot more promising than this one."

"You didn't blow out my hearing, you know," she says, and he just raises an eyebrow. "If you want to say something to me, then say it. Don't act like I'm some set piece."

His laugh jostles his grip on her, and her shirt slides, catching on the edges of her chest wrap. "No one mentioned you had a mouth on you," he says, smirking, but at least he's actually addressing her. "Now, I've got a proposition for you. See, if you stay here in this village, you'll be just as weak as everyone else. Playing nice with that little team of yours will only ruin you. But if you come with us, Orochimaru can train you personally. He can make you strong."

The prospect isn't as appealing as it would have been twelve hours ago, and the conversation she had with Kakashi during training wasn't exactly an easy thing to forget. "Thanks, but I'd rather not," she answers, and the man holding her flings her at the wall.

"Quit messing around," he snaps. "It'll be such a pain if we actually have to take you by force."

"Really? Then try—shit!" Orochimaru's seal suddenly burns, and it might've been a while, but she can still recognize it as the feeling it gets right before it spreads.

Not the one who held her up, but the one next to him who was equally annoying to fight, kneels down. "You're doing a pretty good job holding it back, girl," he says, "but you still haven't figured out how to control it. If you don't learn to soon, it's going to consume you until you have no free will left and you're just Orochimaru's puppet. You don't want that to happen, do you?"

They must not know Kakashi confined it, she realizes. "I'm not going with you," she says, ignoring the pain. "Just leave me alone. You can tell Orochimaru the same thing."

The first one smiles, like she said some sort of joke. "Oh, we can?" he says, and that's when the man in front of her lunges.

.

Sasuke is seven, and Itachi thirteen. Am I really a waste of space? she asks, young and indignant and most of all, believing it. Everyone says I am.

Itachi adjusts his grip on her so she settles more comfortably around his hips. There's a daffodil tucked behind her ear. Haven't I told you before, Sasuke? he answers. You shouldn't listen to them. No little sister of mine is a waste of space.

This doesn't feel very reassuring. Yes, I am, she says, and leans her head against his shoulder. That's why you act like I'm always getting in the way.

No, I don't.

But you spend all your time with Shisui now.

He stops walking. Sasuke, Shisui is dead.

Oh. Somehow she'd forgotten about that. Did you kill him?

Yes.

Why?

When he sets her down on the wall by at the border of their property, she's confused, because he said they were going to the woods. Then he blinks, and his Sharingan is different.

Because you need to kill your best friend to get these eyes, little sister, he tells her, and Sasuke wakes with a gasp to darkness and a cramped space and heat burning from her shoulder to her head.

...

note: I'm dyslexic. I tried to proofread, but this is a blanket apology for any inevitable typos.


	2. Chapter 2

Uh, warning for canon divergence as if genderswap wasn't that already? Oh, and this chapter is told in multiple point of views. I can't think of anything else to say.

.

So far, they'd been under the assumption that Sasuke left of free will. Well, people might call Naruto an idiot and a loser, but even he knows the reaction he finds when they finally come across his friend and the last one of that snake guy's men is _far _from one someone would have if they actually wanted to be in this situation.

The guy left has his hand over her mouth, forcing her to look away, which is probably a good idea, because she's got the Sharingan on. "You weren't supposed to be able to wake up from death early," Naruto hears him say when he really strains his ears. "You haven't even advanced to stage two."

When he nudges Shikamaru to ask what they should do, Naruto sees the other boy's face is pale. Good for him, Naruto isn't feeling all that great about seeing this either.

Suddenly all those squiggly things Sakura was talking about shoot off Sasuke's neck, and he runs out of the bushes without Shikamaru's instructions. At the same moment, her elbow must collide with the guy's ribs or something, because he actually _let's go._

Naruto expects her to run towards him. But she doesn't. Instead she ducks below the guy's arm, and just disappears.

She moved too fast to see.

"Looks like I was right about her," says the guy with a noise halfway between exasperation and _told you so_. "Completely useless. The hallucinations must've already started."

"Hey, wait, be—" Shikamaru starts, but Naruto's already gone.

If she's hallucinating because of whatever these Orochimaru people did to her, then he knows what she's going to see. And he'll knock her out if he as to, and carrying her back over his shoulder, because he's never letting Sasuke go through that again.

.

He finds her at the edge of a cliff, shaking and clutching her head. The squiggles are gone.

In his complete—for lack of a less pathetic word, but—panic, Naruto forces himself to think back to what Kakashi said you're supposed to do when dealing with someone under a strong enough genjutsu. He doesn't think that's exactly what's going on, but it's close, or at least he thinks, and he tries to approach her as slowly as he can instead of tackling her. Getting her to come willingly is a lot better than knocking her out. Sakura might kill him if he returns with Sasuke unconscious.

She doesn't even notice him, which is backwards, and really creepy. "Hey, Sasuke," he says, not sure what he's supposed to say. "It's just me. You'll be fine if you just come with me right now, okay? I'm not going to hurt you."

For a second, he thinks it works. Then he realizes the bad way that he got too close, because she flings both arms out without even looking at him, and there's chakra in her hands or something, because next thing he knows, he's flying backwards. When he pulls himself up, her eyes are open, and she must've gotten a kunai off of that guy when she ran (stupid geniuses, thinking ahead even when going crazy) because she's holding one out.

Even worse, her eyes are red and black swirled.

"You're not real," she says, and sounds way too stable for someone delusional. "I heard him. They think I left. You're not real."

"Sasuke—"

"Which one of them are you? I'll kill you if I have to."

Oh, no, no, no. He's known this girl since she was six. He saw her against her brother before he did the thing with the eyes. By now, he can tell when she's scared, and she's terrified. "It's me, it's Naruto, it's really—"

"I told you I'm not going."

Now he knows for sure she didn't actually mean to leave, but that isn't making him feel any better. "Your birthday is July twenty-third, you were the youngest in our year, our names are on the roof of our building—"

He doesn't have the chance to spew out anything someone else couldn't find out because she's in front of him, and he doesn't dodge fast enough to avoid a cut on the arm. If he'd been hit full on, he'd actually be dead. Shit, she means it. She really doesn't recognize him.

"What's stage two?" she asks. "What did you do with me?"

This isn't good. She's scary enough when she calm. "I didn't do anything! Sasuke, this is me—"

"Stop lying!"

Even recovering from death and coming out of like a month in the hospital, and her taijutsu is still faster than his. Her kick, different than anything he's ever seen her do before, connects with his stomach, and he quickly ends up on his ass. Before she can bring her kunai into his heart, he manages to catch her wrist, and flip them around.

It lasts all of a second. Her knee gets him in the thigh, and her elbow in the ribs. Okay, so taijutsu isn't the answer.

He manages to finish Kage Bunshin, creating twenty clones, but duh, incinerating things is kind of the Uchiha way; she uses her Kanton jutsu to get rid of them all just as fast. That day on the roof he thought they were a match, or maybe that he could even beat her. This is making him rethink that, because this must be her after a nap. When she runs forward again, kunai at the ready, he's surprised by the sudden realization that her Sharingan looks like Kakashi's.

By some miracle, he actually gets away, and she stumbles without having anything to connect with, giving him enough time to pull out a kunai of his own. Not his best weapon, but he can guard at least—which is good, because she recovers too damn quick, and blocking her is harder than he thought. Gaara was a one hit wonder kind of thing. Naruto's like, an actual fair-ish opponent.

Then he lands a hit on her shoulder, and she falls to the rock of the cliff harder than he expects. Her eyes are closed, her breathing a little weird but not _that _weird, and mission accomplished. Easier than he thought.

Or not, 'cause the moment he takes a step forward to pick her up, her eyes open and her leg kicks out, hooking around his calves and sweeping him to the ground. When she ends up on top of him again, it's not her kunai she's holding but his, and the squiggles look like fire across her face.

"I brought you ramen when I found out about your family," he blurts out, and the fire stops spreading, the Sharingan blinks out, her kunai stops level to his eye, and she finally hesitates.

But it won't last forever. He gets that. To avoid dying by pointy object to the face, he gets one hand at her stomach and the other at the shoulder he hit, and flings her off again.

It's starting to feel like a routine.

He uses the force of throwing her to get himself back standing. Of course, she's Uchiha Sasuke, child prodigy, and must've landed on her feet, because she's already up. Not just up, either. Her eyes are back to red, and her hand going to blue. The whole area is filled with the sound of birds. Last time he saw this connect with something, it destroyed a supposedly impenetrable shield.

As much as he doesn't want to hurt her, the Rasengan is his only defense against the Chidori, and when she comes at him, he starts it up in his hand and runs to meet her. With her Sharingan, he expects her to dodge, to take the edge of the damage. Anything but meet it head on.

The two jutsu must bounce off each other or something, because they're both flying towards the water, neither dead but he doesn't feel all that great and she doesn't look much better. Right before he hits, he takes in a breath of air and holds it. But Sasuke ends up in the water first, and the fact that her eyes slip shut right before means she didn't get so lucky.

He never gets the chance to help her, because the moment he's in the water, he passes out, too.

.

Kakashi saved Naruto, and other jounin got everyone else, but someone from Orochimaru's side must've gotten Sasuke first. After, as she sits at Naruto's bedsides at the hospital, Sakura decides enough is enough. She's done with being useless, with being the weakest. She should have been there to help. Maybe between the two of them, their teammate would be here in the other bed. Maybe if she were better, she could have helped in the fight with Gaara, and Sasuke never would have ended up in the hospital that second time.

Sakura thinks about her friend sobbing in arms, and Shikamaru's face when he said, "She was scared."

When she enters the Hokage's office, Tsunade doesn't even look up for paperwork. "I'm done," Sakura says without preamble, getting the woman's attention. "If they don't trust me to fight, I want them to trust me to heal."

There's a long moment of silence before Tsunade says, "It won't be easy, girl."

"My name is Haruno Sakura, and I'll do whatever takes."

.

"Shit, that's a lot of blood," one voice says, and another that sounds vaguely familiar answers, "Sasuke, you need to breathe."

She doesn't know how she got here, or even where here is. Faces blur in front of her, getting closer, and she has to get out, get out, get out—but then her back's hitting something solid, and someone's got a hand on her, and that familiar person is saying, "Sasuke, I'm not going—"

And the other: "Kurenai, I don't think she recognizes you."

Get out, she thinks, she has to get out, she isn't supposed to be here, she's supposed to be, supposed to be. Supposed to be _somewhere that isn't here_, but she can't think of where, and she tries to run, except then there are arms and hands, and—"We've got to do something, she's just making herself worse."

Something hard hits the back of her head, and everything goes dark.

.

When she falls back into the world, she's on her back and held down, and the pain that jolts through her body when she tries to get away feels like someone's pulling her apart.

"Dammit, kid, stop waking up!"

Fingers on her forehead, she falls away again.

.

Repeat.

.

Though Sasuke's always _looked _delicate, Sakura's never thought of her as delicate before. Most of the girls in the Academy were so jealous of her because she could look like a porcelain doll, kick every guy's ass, and they'd all still like her anyway. Now, looking at her unconscious on the rumpled sheets of the hospital bed, the same height and somehow skinner than she was four months ago when she disappeared, she looks even more like a doll than she used too. Except not so well cared for. More like unwanted, discarded, and one last fall away from shattering.

There's not much to be jealous of anymore.

It's been a week since Kurenai and some new jounin found her confused and bleeding in the woods about half a mile outside the walls three days after her thirteenth birthday. Since then, Tsunade's been alternatively healing her, and checking to see if maybe Orochimaru left her here as a trap. Sakura was relieved to hear this morning her friend was officially pronounced as not hazardous to Konoha. After reading the medical report she totally wasn't supposed to be able to get her hands on, she sort of doubted Sasuke was going to turn out some crazy experiment, but according to Tsunade, they couldn't be too careful. And even if this works, she's going to be under suspicion for at least a little while.

Apparently when she was a kid, Kakashi did this genjutsu on her to help her deal with the massacre, and they're going to try again. No one protests when Sakura insists she's going to stay.

The first thing he does is shake her friend awake, and Sasuke's reaction, of course, is to try to get away. They're all on her in a second, which is horrible, but the only way to get her to stay put, and Tsunade says, "Kakashi, now."

He lifts up his forehead protector, and Tsunade grabs Sasuke's hair, forcing her to make eye contact. And Sakura doesn't know what's supposed to happen, but she's pretty sure Sasuke screaming isn't it.

.

It's not until Sasuke walks back into her apartment and finds it covered in dust does it finally hit her what everyone's been telling her. She was gone four months. That's four months unaccounted for. Four months were her memory is just…not there.

With Sakura's help, she cleans the place up, but she's still sore from Kakashi redoing the binding on her cursed seal, so she's not moving as quickly as she'd like. From her window, Sasuke can see the Academy, now repaired. Most of Konoha is. Naruto's gone, like her memory. When Shikamaru of all people came to the hospital to see her yesterday, he said she almost killed her friend. Between waking up two days ago and the Oto-nin attacking her, though, Sasuke can't remember anything, so the best she can do is take everyone's word for things.

Sakura leaves for a while, and comes back with food from the cafeteria. "We can go grocery shopping tomorrow," she says, and Sasuke doesn't point out she can make it to the market herself. "You must be pretty tired."

Tired is an understatement. It feels like there's a humming in her brain that isn't letting her concentrate, and all she wants to do is sleep and block out everything. "I'm not," she lies, and picks at her shumai. "I want to know what's happened since I've been missing."

As much as she doesn't want to use the word "missing," that's what everyone else is referring to her lost months as. The most they know is that she was with Orochimaru, but that's more guesswork from her injuries. They still haven't told her the full extent, and she doesn't want to know. "Well, Naruto left to train, I've already told you that," Sakura answers. "I'm apprenticing under Tsunade when I'm not still working under Kakashi, but, you know, that's hard without a team. Oh, I moved out of my house. It was too far away from the hospital, so I got an apartment."

"How did your parents take it?"

"They were sad to see me go, but they understood," she says. "It's lonely by myself sometimes, but I'm there so rarely that it doesn't really matter—do you want me to leave?"

Confused, Sasuke asks, "What?"

"You look exhausted."

"Oh."

Sakura leaves once they're done eating, and Sasuke takes a half hour long shower, scrubbing herself down so hard she draws more blood. That might not be good, but once her teeth are brushed and she's in an old pair of pajamas, she finally feels cleans for the first time since she came back.

When she dreams, she dreams of Itachi splitting a popsicle in half as he tells her she doesn't need to worry about anything because he'll always be here to keep her safe.

.

Kakashi wasn't sure if Sasuke was going to be allowed to become a kunoichi again given the reasonable suspicion that Orochimaru might have done something undetectable to her, but the Hokage gives permission. As she's already his, and he's the only one with Sharingan, he's allowed to remain her jounin leader, too.

"We still don't know what condition you're in when it comes to this," Kakashi tells her during their first practice. "If you need to take a break, just say it. We'll build you back up to your old skill level."

Starting with a spar to test where she is seemed like a good idea at the time. He quickly discovers that isn't true when he realizes her movement is different than it used to be, and some of what she can do is nothing like what's taught in Konoha. It's not until she uses a ninjutsu he's only ever seen done by a Kumo-nin that he gets an idea of what's going on.

He goes to call a stop, but she halts on her own, looking down at her hands in confusion. "That was copied," he says, and she jumps at the sound of his voice. "Any idea how?"

When she just shakes her head, he's not surprised. There's a block on her memories that didn't come from him, and it's sturdy. "How can I do something I don't remember?"

"I attacked, you reacted," he answers. "It's recorded with your Sharingan, not normal memorization. Sasuke, you can only learn a technique if you watch it happen in a fight."

She exhales, unsteady, and even with her memory gone, he has the feeling there's something left over. It didn't take Tsunade long to figure out Orochimaru, or someone working for him, did a number on her, and even with amnesia she's going to scar more than physically. "So I must have fought someone from a different village," she says, looking from her hands to him.

"More than one," he says. "The way you move has changed." When she doesn't answer, he adds, "We can stop for today."

Again, she shakes her head. "I'm not going to be scared away that easily," she says, and it's the closest she's sounded to her normal self since she came back.

By the end of their fight, she's flat on the ground, dazed from chakra depletion, but she's already shown enough to prove Orochimaru did something other than torture, and maybe her memory loss is a good thing.

.

Two months pass, and the chuunin exams come back to Konoha. Since TenTen is injured and Lee still in recovery, Neiji takes Naruto's place as Team Seven's third member. This year the format's condensed to fit into a week to reduce the number of risks. It doesn't take Sasuke long to figure out she's being used as bait when they reach the Forest of Death.

Eight days later, and the three are made chuunin. Kakashi makes it to dinner on time, and she considers that as good as a congratulations present.

It would've been better if Naruto was here, too.

.

Sasuke kills her first person, or more accurately her first five, on her third mission. It's during an ambush of a group of Iwa-nin, and two of her squad are down. From there, it's just instinct.

With her Sharingan, she can't only see through their camoflauge jutsu, but copy it, and use it against them. Two she takes down easily with shuriken, but a third knows how to track her, and once he draws blood on her, she's as good as visible anyway. But one of the dead's got a katana, and she doesn't remember learning how to use one well enough, but at the same she knows she _can_, and she grabs it. The rest don't stand a chance—she takes one out with a move she knows she couldn't have copied, the next two by getting this idea to try to infuse her Chidori with the blade and actually pulling it off.

Once she's done, she finds Sakura's taken out the last one, but he's incapacitated for questioning and capture. A seventh got away. "Did Kakashi teach you that?" she asks, and Sasuke shakes head as she cleans off the blade. This makes her the first of their graduating class to kill anyone. "Well, keep that. Apparently you know how to use it."

By now, they're used to her knowing things without her knowing how she knows. "How long will it take those two?" she asks. "We should get out of here in case that last one comes back with reinforcements."

"Watch this one," Sakura answers, and adds, "Are you all right?"

Even if she isn't actually sure, Sasuke just nods. Sometimes it's easier not to examine things too closely.

.

Sakura gets training from Tsunade, a sennin, to become stronger, and Naruto gets an even better arrangement with Jiraiya. To catch up, Sasuke starts taking jutsu she copied and elaborating. Ever since she returned, she hasn't liked silence, as it gives her too much time to think, and this is an excuse to concentrate on something, and be out of her apartment. She gradually starts being allowed to take more and more missions, too, finally believed to be completely safe, and begins paying attention while out of the village walls for mentions of Itachi. Her mission for revenge isn't so active now, but it hasn't necessarily stopped.

The dreams of happy childhood moments aren't helping.

On a mission barely outside the walls, she finally hears something. "Yeah, Uchiha Itachi," a man is saying in the eatery area of the inn she and her squad are crashing in for the night. "Who _doesn't _remember him? What about him?"

"You're not going to believe me, but I swear I saw him the other day," a woman answers, and Sasuke shrinks back against a wall, not wanting to risk getting spotted. With the Uchiha symbol on her back and how closely she resembles her brother, she doesn't want the conversation to stop just because either of them catch sight of her and figure out who she is. "Oh, don't look at me like that, Daiki. It's been years, but I still know what I Sharingan looks like."

"Are you sure it wasn't the sister?" says the man—Daiki. "Sasuke, I think. Heard she's active now. Itachi always _did _look like a girl, if you ask me."

The woman laughs, and Sasuke quickly gets over the shock of someone knowing who she is. As the last of the Uchiha clan, of course someone who knew her brother must've heard of her. "No way, supposedly she's really short. Besides, I had a thing before him before I knew he was a psychotic freak," the woman says, and calls for more drinks. "Trust me, it's been years, but he doesn't look too different. And, I mean, I knew he was never found, but I never thought he'd be hanging out in the Wind Country."

"Everyone who's a freak hangs out in the Wind Country. Haven't you heard about the Kazekage?"

From there, the conversation moves from Itachi to Gaara, but Sasuke's heard enough. Itachi's in the Wind Country. She might be distancing herself from revenge now, but maybe when she kills him, the dreams will stop.

.

It's in a ramen shop on the outskirts of the Fire Country that Naruto hears Sasuke's alive. "Didn't you hear about what Uchiha did in the Lightning Country?" some guy's saying to another couple of guys. "Aiko said Hataro said it was brutal."

Jiraiya's talking, but the name "Uchiha" is too good an opportunity to pass up, so Naruto interrupts his mentor mid-sentence to jump into the other conversation. "You wouldn't mean Uchiha Sasuke, would you?" he asks, coming up between two of the guys. Between the three of them, only one has a Konoha forehead protector on.

Though they look startled, his own must prove him trustworthy, because the first guy answers, "Who else? All the other ones are dead. Yeah, Sasuke. Why?"

"Uh, 'cause last I heard, she'd been kidnapped," Naruto says. "It's been a while."

The one who hasn't spoken yet with the forehead protector, says, "Clearly. She's been back for about two years, kid."

Two years? It took _two years _for him to hear about this? Well, this sucks. The second guy adds, "I still don't get what's so great about her. Half those stories have got to be exaggerated."

"You're only saying that because you don't have one—" starts the first, but Naruto cuts in with, "Wait, so what happened in the Lightning Country?"

First Guy tells him this whole long story about Sasuke protecting some Fire Country diplomat from missing-nin by calling lightning from the clouds, which last Naruto checked, she couldn't do two years ago. "But I've never heard of that before," says Second Guy. "See? That's why I don't think it's real."

As much as he doesn't seem to believe it, the other two do, and she _is _super smart, so Naruto's not exactly doubtful either. "We're going back to Konoha," he tells Jiraiya after he thanks the three guys and walks back. "There's someone I need to see."

Jiraiya makes him pay the bill. But for once, that's all right, because they're finally going home.

.

When the knock on her apartment door comes, Sasuke expects it to be Sakura or Kakashi and doesn't bother changing out of her pajamas to answer it, since it's not as though anyone else calls on her. But then she barely has the latch open before the door flies open with a bang, and Naruto is sweeping her up like she's a kid.

"You're really here!" he's shouting way too close to her ear. "I didn't kill you!"

The words hit her hard, and she never considered that he might think he got her killed. "Yeah, yeah, you didn't," she says, and even though she isn't the biggest fan of physical contact, she relaxes and hugs him back. After not seeing him in two and a half years, it's the least she can do. "Sorry for almost killing you, too."

His arms tighten around her. "It wasn't your fault, Sasuke," he answers, and she's brought to attention how tall he's gotten when he tucks her beneath his chin. "Sorry for not getting you out."

"It's fine," she tells him, and when he doesn't move away, neither does she, "but thanks for trying."

There's a lot they need to talk about, but neither of them move. Instead they stand in the quiet stillness of her room, and feel each other breathe.

.

Because Kakashi's Kakashi and can't do something normal like bring them out to dinner, he has them repeat the bell test as a "reunion team building exercise."

It turns out that combined, the three of them are good enough that he's actually forced to use his Sharingan—or maybe that's just Sasuke's fault, because it counteracts any genjutsu she could use. Of course, that makes his pretty much useless against her too, but it's fine against the rest of them. "I can be the bait," she says as they hide out together in the bushes. "As obvious as it is, it'll still force him to pay attention to me. And Sakura, you're good with genjutsu, it shouldn't be too dangerous for you to come in from the side."

Naruto wonders if this is how she felt two and a half years ago, because he's feeling seriously left behind right now. Sure, he's really good now and everything and trained a lot, but it's pretty obvious that they're only talking this much because he hasn't been working with them as a team for a year and a half. "I'll come at him from behind," he says, because he still knows them well enough that he figures that's where they're going next.

After a quick "understood" nod from everyone, they all jump off in different directions. And it doesn't quite work, not really, but then he gets fed up and threats to shout spoilers to Jiraiya's stupid books, and that actually gets Kakashi to shut his eyes.

He buys them dinner like a normal person, and Sakura and Sasuke casually share their meals. So this is what two and a half years looks like, Naruto thinks, and as much as he liked his time training, he sort of wishes he'd been here. At least then he wouldn't feel like an outsider in his own team, because dealing with that once was enough.

.

More often than not, Sasuke's with Sakura these days when they aren't either training or on missions, but this isn't the sort of conversation that requires three people. "So you don't remember anything?" he says as she takes a seat next to him on the place of the roof they used to claim was theirs. No new names have been added, so it seems as though it still is.

Shaking her head, she says, "It's not that I don't remember _anything_. I came back with a lot more knowledge than what I left with, and Sharingan advanced—"

"That happened during your fight with me." She looks to him, surprised, because so far she hasn't had much of a timeline to her missing months. "You already had it on when I caught up to you, and it looked like Kakashi's. Guess I forgot to mention it. Sorry."

"It's fine."

"Anything else?"

Again, she shakes his head. "Something happened to my memory. Kakashi using the Sharingan on me probably didn't help." She pauses before adding, "All right, I'm going to be blunt. I know you left to train because the Akatsuki are after you, which means you should have a pretty good idea why."

He quiet for an uncharacteristically long time before saying, "I guess it doesn't matter if you know. If something happens, you'll probably come across Itachi anyway, so they don't just affect me, do they?"

"I'm not going to run away to go after him, if that's what you're worried about," she says, frowning.

Another long bout of silence, followed by, "I'm a Jinchuruki. The Kyuubi was sealed inside of me, like Gaara. I don't know what they want to do with me, but I know that's why."

By this point, there's not much that she can genuinely say she didn't see coming, but this is it. Imaging Naruto with something like what Gaara turned into inside of him is difficult enough, but putting them in the same category? Now that's pushing her suspension of disbelief.

At the same time, though, that would explain his insane chakra stamina, and his rapid healing. Actually, it would explain a lot, including something she never understood as kids. "So is that why you were ostracized for years?" she asks, and he nods. "Wow, what assholes, it's not your fault someone decided to lock something inside of you when you were a baby."

He stares at her, wide-eyed, and for a second, she thinks she might've said something wrong. Then she's on the ground, tackled by her friend. "Hey, get off of me!"

"Sorry," he says, laughing, and more importantly not letting go. "I wasn't sure what your reaction would be."

"Half the shinobi in Konoha still think I'm a trap for Orochimaru because of a mark on my neck," she points out. "On a certain level, I understand."

Finally, he does get off of her, and spends about a half hour explaining exactly what Jinchuruki means and what the Kyuubi is. "So, the Jinchuruki, the Hokage's trainee, and -Orochimaru's possibly-but-probably-not experiment gone wrong," she says when he's done. "What's Konoha going with us?"

It's more sarcastic than she used to be, with more words, but she's learning that connections aren't a bad thing. They decrease suspicion. Itachi only matters if she lets him. He killed her clan.

Why the fuck she should follow what _he _says?

.

Gaara's kidnapped by the Akatsuki, and Tsunade almost forbids Sasuke for joining the rescue party.

"She's part of the team," Sakura says, pulling her mentor aside. "I believe she may be the only one with the skill to fight her brother, and I trust her not to lose her head if she encounters him."

"How much do you trust her, Sakura?"

"With my life, Tsunade."

Before they leave, Kakashi is given additional, private instructions. Sasuke grits her teeth when he comes back, but doesn't say a word of protest.

.

When they arrive in Sunagakure with Temari, they find Kankuro poisoned and an incredibly distrustful old woman. "The White Fang's son, Tsunade's brat, and an Akatsuki's member's sister," she says, narrowing her eyes. "You can be trusted?"

Immediately, Sasuke says, "I'm not brother," and recently Kakashi's started to shift from wondering from _what _happened to allow her to escape from Orochimaru to _who _happened. Her change in attitude towards her brother is too drastic to be attributed to more than their discussion on the roof years ago.

Incapacitate her if you have to, the Godaime told him, and he's starting to think that might be for good reason.

"We're all our own people," Sakura adds, voice sharp. "I would have though Suna knew by now not to judge on surface value."

Considering who their Kazekage is, it's a good argument. Temari ignores them all, sitting by their brother and holding his hand, and the image they create is too similar to situations his team has found themselves in more than once.

He looks to the officials in the room. "We need as much information as possible," he says. "You will have your Kazekage returned to you alive. I promise."

After exchanging a glance, they explain what happened. Naruto listens with better attention than he used to, and he and Sasuke stand close. Kakashi hopes this mission doesn't change their sudden camaraderie, because that's something hard-earned, and more special than his team knows.

.

Sasuke activates her Sharingan the moment she feels the presence, and it might be the Mangekyo, but they're the same blood, so she can look at him directly all the same.

Before she has a chance to do much more than that, Naruto runs right in front of her. "You bastard," he says, or more like growls. "Not just me, but Gaara? What are you playing at?"

She reaches forward, grabs his sleeve, and Kakashi beats her to it when he tells everyone, "Don't look him in the eye."

"Naruto, move," she says. "I'm the only one who can."

"Then what are we supposed to do?"

There's one option, only one real option, and no one's going to like it because in the end, she knows that no matter what they say, they don't trust her. Not with this. "I'll handle it," she answers as Naruto finally gets out of her way, clearly reluctant. "Makes sense, right, Kakashi?"

For some reason, Itachi isn't saying anything. Something's wrong. It's like he isn't fully here or something. And Kakashi must realize it too, and Tsunade's extra orders must be about her, because he says, "No. I'm staying with you. If he can still overwhelm you, we need to cancel out the jutsu affecting one other. The rest of you, pursue Gaara. Continue the mission. We'll catch up."

"But—" Sakura says, and Sasuke cuts in, "We'll catch up."

This should be her battle, and hers alone, but she's not shocked Kakashi won't let her. And she doesn't want to risk an option worse than dying—being left alive, like the last time, or the last two times, and Orochimaru's men somehow finding her. Even after all this time, she's left paranoid over it.

Finally, Itachi speaks, and it clashes with the strange dreams she's had lately. "I've heard you improved, Sasuke," he says. "And you, Kakashi, seem to have analyzed the situation. Do the two of you really think you have what it takes to defeat me?"

Sasuke hadn't expected him to have heard a thing about her, but she doesn't answer, focusing instead in trying to piece together what's off. It's Kakashi who says, then, "I was unprepared last time. How much has your vision deteriorated?"

"So you know," Itachi says, and not even Sasuke knew that, so how did a person outside the family? A Sharingan doesn't ruin eyesight, and he shouldn't know about the Mangekyo. "Naruto, I'll have to ask you to kindly—"

Because this is her battle, whether Kakashi is going to be here or not, Sasuke looks away from her brother look enough to focus on her friend and cut in, "Leave."

Kakashi, as jounin leader, backs her up, and though none of them look happy, they run. There's a momentary standstill, then Kakashi throws the first punch, and the battle's begun.

.

Halfway through the fight, Kakashi stops mattering. He's no less an opponent than he has been, but Sasuke and Itachi just lose themselves in each other, and Itachi blindly works against him while Sasuke instinctively works with him. This is probably a good thing, too, because the look on her face when she saw his Mangekyo Sharingan wasn't a good one.

Blood to blood means that any genjutsu cast with their eyes won't affect each other, and their Sharingan will detect any other forms, giving them enough time to cancelling it out.

Suddenly Sasuke calls out, "Kakashi, stop!" and her hesitation gives her brother enough time to land a direct hit, grabbing her by the neck and pinning her into a rock formation.

She says something else he doesn't catch, grabs his hair, and Itachi screams, and drops, bringing her tumbling with him so quickly Kakashi doesn't have the opportunity to react. His confusion ends before it even has the chance to manifest, because the moment he dies, Itachi's face is no longer his own.

He helps her up by her arm, and she coughs. "I knew something was off during the fight," he says. "How did you know?"

"I wanted it to be him so badly it took me a while to see through the genjutsu," she says dully. "It was my own fault. If I realized sooner, the others could of stayed, and this would ended a lot quicker. I figured Itachi could hear me, that this was somehow connected. Told him next time he wanted to fight me, he should it himself. Then I used a strong enough genjutsu to break his. His eyes were just a fake, after all."

It wasn't a long fight, considerably quicker than any of them thought it would be. Catching up to the others shouldn't be hard. He reaches out to touch her shoulder as some small form of comfort before they have to leave, but she spins around before he can and slams him against the slam rock she was against only moments earlier.

Here it comes, he thinks, and predictably she asks, "How the hell did you get the Mangekyo Sharingan? I'm a Uchiha, Kakashi. I know what it takes."

An anger he hasn't seen from her in a while is written across her face. Severe mood changes are the quickest way to cause the binding on the seal to break, something they've managed to avoid, and the last thing this mission needs is for one of its chuunin to lose touch with the world around her.

"We need to meet up with the others," he says, and removes her from his flak jacket. "I'll tell you on the way, Sasuke."

Though her mouth is still tight around the edges and shoulders tense, when he takes off, she follows. He hasn't talked about Rin and Obito and years, but has to try.

Forbidding her to come wasn't a necessarily terrible idea. Like Sakura and Naruto, yes, he trusts her. He just cares about her safety and sanity more, and those aren't one and the same.

.

In the course of one day, she's fought and killed a fake Itachi, discovered Kakashi accidentally developed the Mangekyo, that Naruto will die if someone tries to remove the Kyuubi, and had to leave Sakura alone to fight off an Akatsuki member with no help other than said member's grandmother. The day naturally ended with the grandmother dying after reviving a dead Gaara.

By the time the city-wide pajama celebration reaches full swing in Sunagakure, her mood still hasn't improved.

Suna knows how to throw an impromptu party, she'll give them that. Within an hour, there's even food and stalls set up selling merchandise hours before opening. "I got you food," Naruto says, and narrowly avoids getting knocked into her. Eating is his answer to everything. "Look, I managed to find an apple!"

He's just so proud of himself it's actually a little endearing. "You have it," she tells him, because she doesn't feel like eating at the moment. "I'm not hungry."

The smile falters. "You sure? Because it looks really good, and I only got my hands on one before Lee snagged like three."

"Yeah, I'm sure."

That doesn't get him to leave, even though it should. A full-on celebration. Sasuke thought he'd be spending it with Sakura, and she'd have time to sneak off to the room they'd been offered for the night. "What happened with Itachi wasn't your fault," he says, awkward, and she tenses. "I mean, Kakashi didn't see through it, either, right?"

Even if Kakashi does have the Mangekyo, there's still a difference. She's blood. He isn't. Itachi's her _brother_, she should know—

Well. She'll know better next time. "Hey, Naruto?" she says.

"What?"

"If you're with me when I encounter my brother," she answers, "please refrain from trying to get between us again."

Though frowning, he says, "Fine," and she really needs him to remember she can take care of herself.

.

It takes until the entrance of the compound for Sasuke to realize Naruto's following her, which means he's improved more than his strength. "I just need to check something out," she says. "That won't require company."

"No way, I'm not giving my best friend a chance to snap because she sees something bad," he says, and it's enough to make her pause. "What? You think I didn't totally try to visit you in the hospital after I heard what happened? A week later you were pretty much okay, something had to've gone down."

She'd never thought about the possibility that he'd tried to go see her. It never even crossed her mind. "I'll be fine," she says. "I'm not that breakable, you know. Leave me alone."

This falls under the category of "she can take care of herself." She knows what she can prod at and what to ignore. Even at chuunin level, she's made enough of a name for herself for her brother to hear about her. She hasn't shown signs of anything going wrong, technically, since Kakashi healed her. Clearly she's doing something right.

Naruto's worry isn't necessary. Even so, he says, "Whenever we fight, shit ends up getting blown up. You really want to risk it so close to your property?"

As much as she hates to admit it, he has a point, and they're closer matched than they used to be. Which means she has two options, get it over with now, or leave and come back another day, risking him following her again anyway. "Just don't touch anything," she says, and pushes the door open.

What she finds is worse than last time. More weeds, gardens larger. Nature reclaiming the buildings, basically. Shisui's house is the third on the left, and ivy's crawled across his bedroom window. He helped Itachi teach her how to read in there when she four. Skip three years, and Itachi drowned him in the river before faking a suicide note. That was the first time she ever saw her father and brother argue. Even at seven, she feels like she should've known something was wrong.

Placing blame is what we do, he told her. Looking back, she's still not sure what that was supposed to mean.

Her purpose was to return to the instructions for the Mangekyo, to see if maybe reading between the lines could show her something she missed and some other way to achieve it, but she still ends up in front of her old house. "So this is it, huh?" Naruto says, and she startles, having been so wrapped up in this place she forgot he was here. "I always wondered what it looked like."

"It used to be beautiful," she says, and ignores the mark left by the shuriken when she slides up the door.

Inside is dusty, but clear. The furniture is all still in place. So are the paintings on the wall. Windows unbroken. No bodies, no skeletons, no blood. The only mark something happened beyond abandonment is the puncture in the door.

Itachi made her watch the massacre through his eyes. Their parents fought back, like any Uchiha would. Mother was too severally injured to fight. Father died protecting her, and she was killed with the same swing. Two years ago, when she killed the Iwa-nin, she knew that move hadn't been copied because it was too similar to the one she saw him use against their own parents. That's something she had to have developed on her own.

After realizing that, there's nothing in this room that can harm her anymore than it already has.

She takes a step forward, and the moment her foot hits the place she slipped, a memory not from Itachi comes rushing back. "Sasuke, what's wrong?" Naruto asks, but she's already out of the room before he finishes speaking.

"I'd been with you practicing, I came back late," she tells him when he slides up next to her, because she needs to say this so she knows he isn't right, and this isn't her snapping. "I walked into through the gate, and found my family dead—everywhere, I mean. And I was seven, this was my family, of course my first thought was going to be about my brother and parents. Then I was about here, and was hit by this bad feeling on top of already a bad enough feeling, and when I looked up, there was someone crouching on the telephone pole up there."

There are two in their range of sight, and she points to the one she means, the one further from her house. "I'm already in line with my front door from this angle through," she continues, talking more to herself than her friend, "and when I got too close, someone shouted at me not to come in, and—look, my memory's badly damaged, but my parents were already dead by that point, Itachi didn't kill them in front of me, which means that, for some reason, he must've been the one to say it. But that would mean he was in two places at once, which physically isn't possible, and I saw the whole thing. He never used a Kage Bunshin."

As insane as it sounds, she knows she's right. Even from the distance and cast in a shadow, she would have recognized her brother's shape. Unless he was on a mission, she was with him nearly every day. If there really was a second person, he would have had to fabricate new memories, something not terribly difficult to do to a seven-year-old with the right genjutsu, she imagines, and it's not as though Kakashi cured her. Tsunade can, if what she did to him in hospital three years back is any indication, but she wasn't around at the time, so the best Sasuke got was dampened memory.

By now, her mind's been screwed with enough that it would make sense some of reality is leaking back through.

When she glances to the side, she finds Naruto staring at her. "So there was a second person?" he says. "Your brother had help?"

"That's one option."

"What's the other?"

She turns her attention back to the telephone pole and answers, "There was someone who watched."

.

This time around, no one trusts her to go. Apparently there's a chance Orochimaru still wants her body, and there's roughly six months before he's going to need it.

But of all the people to replace her, it has to be someone who's been here a day?

"It's not that we don't think you can handle it or anything," Naruto says as she glares at Sai's back. "You're amazing! Way better than this guy, definitely. We just don't want Orochimaru to get you again."

Last time, she'd been twelve, sleep-deprived, and knocked out from the combined force of a Chidori and Rasengan. But she's better now. "Stay here with Kakashi," Sakura says with a small smile. "We'll be back soon. We promise."

When Naruto goes to hug her on the way out, she shies away.

Sakura doesn't knows better than to try.

.

An hour outside of Konoha, all the pent up frustration finally gets to her, and Sakura punches a tree. "It isn't fair," she says, angry and aggravated, and caring more about what her friend's reaction would be than the loss they just suffered. "I thought it was bad enough when I _didn't _know what happened."

In the end, they were right. Sasuke shouldn't have come. "What do you think's going to happen why she finds out?" Naruto asks, which he should, because of course she's going to have to. There's no way to hide this forever.

A little ways away, Yamato is talking with Sai, probably telling not to breathe a word of this to anyone. "I have no idea," Sakura answers, and it scares her that it's true. "I'm going to have to tell Tsunade, though. He has good as admitted to experimenting on her, which is what everyone was worried about in the first place."

"All to convince her to follow him," Naruto says, and slumps back against the tree. "Torture and experimentation. Seems kind of backwards."

"You're forgetting the forced fighting," she says miserably. "It's not all that counterproductive. Get your captive to snap under pressure is one way to induce captive-bonding. Let's face it, her stability is questionable at best, and breaking the binding on the seal would've made her worse."

Naruto doesn't seem to have an answer to that. How to reverse captive bonding was a question on their first chuunin exam's written test. "Then how did she get out?" he says, and she shrugs, because Orochimaru hadn't given them any clues.

Maybe she won't have to tell Tsunade. Maybe Sasuke is harmless, and maybe they can forget about this, and maybe if Sakura does that everything will go horribly wrong. No, she's going to have to tell. It's not a decision she likes, but the potential outcome of the alternative is too dangerous to risk.

Hopefully Sasuke will come out of this all right.

.

As terrified as Sasuke is, she tries her absolute hardest not to show it. "The antidote's right there, Sasuke," the Godaime says as she prepares the syringe of her assistant's poison. "If Orochimaru was lying, you'll still be safe."

That really isn't helping. "And if he wasn't?"

"Then you're going to have to be tested again. This might hurt."

The syringe slides into her wrist, right in the vein, and Sasuke watches as the poison releases into her blood. It's supposed to be instantaneous, so after a minute of no reaction, it's safe to say it wasn't a lie after all.

With a long sigh, the Godaime says, "I'll make this as painless as I can."

Sasuke doesn't believe her. Nothing happened, and it hurts already.

.

Naruto's waiting outside the hospital room when Sasuke suddenly screams. A moment later Shizune shoots out the door, hand over her eyes. Without bothering to hear the explanation, he rushes past her inside, and finds his friend curled up in the corner, Sakura crouched down next to her and speaking quietly.

It's not hard to figure out what happened. "I touched her stomach," Tsunade says as Kakashi enters. "The feeling must've triggered a memory. Shizune was the only in her line of sight when she activated the Sharingan."

As Kakashi asks, "Did she say anything?" Naruto moves closer to his friends.

Sasuke's whole body is shaking, her legs pulled up to her chest with her forehead to her knees, and her hair is long enough that he can't see any of her face. He can't see much of her body, either, which makes this less embarrassing since she's just in shorts and a chest wrap. But at the same time, they're teammates, he's seen both the girls topless, and she definitely wasn't this scarred up last time.

Looks like that bastard really wasn't lying.

"Hey. Hey, Sasuke," he says, not caring if last time he tried this it didn't work at all. "Look at me. You can sort of see chakra signatures, right? Well, no one's going to have one like mine."

A flicker of something flies over his head, and then Sakura's holding a shirt. Sasuke finally looks up, peering at her through her hair with her eyes their usual straight black. It's like when they were kids and someone in her family decided to be a jerk. "Sorry," she says quietly, and hides her face again. "I forgot."

He exchanges a look with Sakura, and she says, "We should get out of here for a while."

When Sasuke pulls on the shirt, Naruto notices it's a typical hospital one, and doesn't have the Uchiha fan on the back. For some reason, the sight of that disturbs him a lot more than it should.

.

It's not that her memories came rushing back or anything. It's more like there are parts of her body that acted like buttons to trigger panic, and she'd have a moment or two where she'd forget where she was. Naruto and Sakura seem just as relieved by her lack of memory as they are about her once again getting proclaimed safe. She can't tell with Kakashi.

Her reactions were enough to gain her this as reward, though:

She's definitely not allowed on any missions where Orochimaru is known to be involved unless there's serious need for her to be there.

This doesn't seem fair. After all, Naruto's allowed on missions involving the Akatsuki. If she comes face to face with Orochimaru, she isn't any more likely to freeze up than she is with Itachi. And she's shown she won't do that, so shouldn't they have a little more faith her? Hasn't she proven herself enough times? She's a kunoichi, she has the emotional control of a kunoichi, and it's different getting locked in a room and having someone prod her as opposed to meeting him on the battlefield.

In fact, maybe there isn't such a big issue with her getting her memories back. Four months should give her some sort of inside information, shouldn't it? The second time Itachi used the Mangekyo on her, she survived and was only disoriented for a few days. There's a chance whatever blocked her memories caused the reaction she had upon returning, not the torture, or whatever it is that happened to her. She's a Uchiha, she knows better than to be beaten by her own mind, dammit.

Now all she has to do is _make _them need her.

.

With Kakashi training Naruto and Sakura working nearly nonstop under the Godaime, Sasuke gets stuck trying to teach Sai how to be a person. The guy's all right, or at least inching to be, but she's not up to making new friends. The two she has are enough.

So when she's offered a mission, she takes it, even if she knows it's some kind of test. There's no reason to separate her from her team otherwise.

Like most of her missions, it's knowingly combat-heavy. Her team, consisting of four chuunin she's worked with before, is good, and the Kiri-nin are average. Sasuke doesn't know any of their names, and doesn't feel bad when she uses them for practice.

"Everyone, down!" she calls to her team, and they drop without a word.

The Chidori explodes from her body, blasting their opposition away. One dodged, lucky him, and when he charges, she gets him through the stomach with her katana. Electrically charged, of course.

As she pushes him off the blade as the others begin to rise, she looks down to Mako, one of her team, and says, "They're all yours."

Her team doesn't give the Kiri-nin the chance to regain their bearings before they attack. No one ever said shinobi were honorable, and the others don't stand a chance.

.

She returns to Konoha to find Asuma dead and Kakashi out on a mission.

"Where's Naruto?" she asks Sakura. "Did he go with him?"

Shaking her head, her friend answers, "He's still training. I haven't seen him in days."

Before Sasuke has a chance to say anything, Naruto bursts through her door without invitation, and she should really move out of orphan housing to somewhere that allows you to lock your doors. "Get dressed, guys," he says. "We're leaving in an hour."

"Leaving for what?"

"To go save Kakashi and Shikamaru, so hurry up!"

Though she's only been back a day, she rushes to get everything together, and hopes this time she's actually allowed to go.

.

Naruto wins, alone, because he was right, and he is awesome. He could do without the fractures, though. These are just a pain in the ass. Or the wrist. Whatever. As long as Sakura can heal it, he guesses it really doesn't matter. It just sucks that it's going to knock him out commission for a while when he knows Sasuke's probably going to be sent out.

When he reaches the ramen shop, his friends are already there, and the girls are overlooking something. A newspaper, he sees to his relief, because Sasuke _just _got back, and he wants to hang out the three—or four, now—of them for more than five minutes. "What're you doing?" he asks, squeezing into a space between the two of them.

As Sai says, "I believe they're looking up housing," Naruto catches the headline.

"I need a change of scenery," Sasuke adds, leaning past him. This is the first time in a while he's been near her not after she spent a stay in the hospital or around a battle, and he gets hit by the sudden smell of some sort of flower coming from her hair. Huh. Talk about girly. "Doesn't it ever bother you that our doors can't lock?"

Considering that no one outside of the girls ever visits him, he never put much thought into it. When he was a kid, he'd asked Iruka about it, but he just said it was a safety precaution. "Yeah, I guess," he says, thinking about all the stuff he has in there. "But it's not like I have money to live anywhere nicer than a one-room apartment, and I need a stove for ramen."

Sakura and Sasuke ignore him, and communicate through their eyebrows. After a moment, Sakura says, "Well, you see, we were thinking of splitting our rent two ways because my apartment's pretty small, too, and I feel bad because my parents are helping out. But if we split it _three _ways, we can get an even nicer one."

This is probably something he should think about. He should probably feel bad that they're basically just excluding Sai.

Shrugging, he says, "Sure," and tries to figure out how to use chopsticks with his left hand.

.

There's a mission that's supposedly going to lead Team Kakashi "too close" to Orochimaru's territory, whatever the fuck that means, so they get sent one way. Sasuke gets thrown a team and sent another, almost like Tsunade's afraid she's going to follow (and it's not as though she hasn't contemplated it, because _this isn't fair_).

So of course, _of course_, this is the one mission where everything that could go wrong does go wrong, because Kabuto is not an easy person to beat, and naturally he has to have several Oto-nin with cursed seals with him. She spreads herself too thin trying to save her team (the one she traditionally has when Team Kakashi isn't around, so she might not consider them friends, but close enough), who don't have the experience fighting in conditions like this. She successfully gets one down for Katsu with kenjutsu, but then Mako gets a hit to the back of the head hard enough that there's going to be bleeding. They don't have Sakura. They don't have a medic.

Riku falls after a blow to his heart with just the palm of Kabuto's hand, charged with electricity. And Sasuke—well, Sasuke reacts.

A few weeks ago Naruto mentioned something or another about combining nature jutsu, and there isn't a cloud in the sky, but her best attack is harnessing lightning, so she does the only thing she can think of. Instead, she uses her family's strongest Kanton jutsu three times in succession to cause the right conditions, and relies on her chakra. The resulting electric explosion gets the second man, in his Stage 2 form. It hits Kabuto.

Except Kabuto has the chakra power to heal, and her attack isn't as powerful without natural conditions.

"Katsu, take them and go back to the village," she says, hoping neither of them are dead, and when he tries to protest, she cuts in, "What he wants is me. He'll let you go. That's an order."

The Godaime's going to kill her. Her team is. In fact, everyone is. She's about to run off with Kabuto to get to Orochimaru and, quite honestly, doesn't care. Maybe she'll be able to turn a bad thing into a good thing. Maybe she'll be able to kill him.

Once her team's gone, Katsu lagging under their combined weight, and she really doesn't think both of them are going to make it, Kabuto turns his focus fully on her. His own team lies dead at her feet. "The deadline is up, Sasuke," he says, and pushes his glasses up his nose. "Orochimaru is waiting."

Whatever happens, she knows she won't let him get her body.

.

There was never any point in going with Orochimaru—what's revenge, if in the end her body was just going to be possessed? That's why she resisted. And the more she resisted, the more creative he had to get. Her consent was preferable, but not necessary. What he needed was for her to be well trained, her Sharingan developed, and her body conditioned.

In the end, her will to live beat out her will to resist. The best way to make her better when she wasn't willing to be taught was to make her record, so she'd be locked in a room and not be let out until the other person (or more) was dead. Kabuto broke the binding on her seal. She was already good, all things considered. She got better fast.

All of this is just a blur. When he tells her, she gets flashes, but that's all. Nothing gives her the reactions she had in the hospital when Tsunade was going over her again, so Kabuto's obviously leaving more than a few things out. Probably to make this place sound better. Not that he's helping much. The walls are damp, everything looks sort of jagged and dark. It smells of mildew, and he has all of her weapons. If it comes to her fight, she can rely on jutsu and taijutsu alone, but she'd rather not.

Kabuto says someone helped her leave, and sounds angry.

Even when she realizes he isn't going to specify, she doesn't ask. He bluntly said Orochimaru's time was up, so they have to be at their most vulnerable at the moment. This could be her chance—Konoha's chance, though the Godaime probably won't be happy about her taking the initiative. She's not even a jounin.

"Well, they weren't doing me any favors, whoever it was," she says, keeping her tone relaxed. "I want to kill Itachi, and Konoha isn't making me any stronger."

He raises an eyebrow. "That's certainly a difference of opinion from earlier."

With a shrug, she says, "Two of them will die before they make it back to the village walls. The team that would normally be sent as an extraction squad for me is gone on a mission of their own. A new one will have to be assembled. If they thought I defected, I'd move from a useful tool to a threat. Imagine what they'd send then."

Actually saying it out loud makes her realize the gravity of the situation. She has no backup, and no realistic idea of Orochimaru's strength outside of vague memories. All she managed to save was Katsu, because she's still _stupid _and _weak_, and she's supposed to be a Uchiha, a genius of great skill who proudly wears the emblem on her back, but it's been three years and she's lagging behind—

It's easier if she doesn't think about it. "I'll work with Orochimaru, and comply with what he wants."

"And why should I believe you?"

"By now you must know I'm not the selfless person in the world," she answers. "Tell Orochimaru I rethought the situation, and give my consent, under the grounds that he allows me to get vengeance for my family first—after inducing Stage Two correctly, of course."

When Kabuto says, "I appreciate your change of heart," he doesn't believe her, but he's going to play along. It's the best possible option. They're shinobi. They think things through.

He leaves her in a room with two guards and no weapons, and most importantly no knowledge that she knows how to make herself undetectable. Both the guards know better than to look her in the eyes.

Neither of them are expecting the speed of her hand seals, though, and even a cursed seal can't protect you against genjutsu, and steals their weapons on the way out. Kage Bunshin only relays information to their host body if the clone is destroyed, and the element of surprise allows her to use the Sharingan on the one Kabuto left. After, she activates the jutsu stolen from the Iwa-nin, and disappears.

Whether she's ready or not, it's time.

She doesn't allow herself to think of Konoha.

.

Finding out about Sasuke from Tenzo and the others causes Naruto to have a fit even worse than the one after Gaara's kidnapping. Once Sakura joins in, even Kakashi, who isn't so sunshine and rainbows himself at the news, is shocked at the outburst.

They'd known something was up the moment they'd arrived and found nothing there. When the second team caught up them, they were heading back home. "Time's up," Naruto says, fists clenched at his sides. "You know what he's going to do to her."

It's been six months. Kakashi is more than aware of what's going to happen. "We better hurry, then," he says, glancing at Tenzo. "The more time we spend here, the more time Orochimaru has with her."

Sakura bursts out, "That's worse than killing her!" and even Sai, who's now officially unofficially part of their team, is at a loss.

Tenzo sighs. "It's not just that," he says. "The three of you saw what Orochimaru is like with his body at the end of its use. Imagine fighting him in the body of a Uchiha with a fully developed Sharingan."

"I don't care about that," Naruto says. "I promised I was going to protect her. This isn't going to happen."

If he isn't there, then there's nothing he can do, and Kakashi thinks he must know that. The other four are confused, and this is going to be another conversation left for on the way. For now they just have to hope Sasuke really is strong enough to face down Orochimaru alone.

Taking her panic attacks into account, he doesn't have much hope. Like insomnia, there are some things even the most skilled shinobi can't fight, and too many people have done too many things too her head.

.

Kabuto leaves, presumably to go check on her. She blows a hole through the wall with a straight shot Chidori, binding his arms, and enters the room. Somehow, it's even more miserable than the rest of this place.

When he sees her, he actually laughs, which doesn't do anything to improve her anger. "Oh, Sasuke," he says. "I thought it would come to this."

His arms are bound through, immobile. He's never going to touch her again. "My pride isn't low enough to accept what you want, Orochimaru," she says.

"Your chakra flow is new," he says, but doesn't take his eyes off her. "So what I've heard is true. You have improved."

"I was twelve last time. Three years is a long time." For Itachi, three years was the leap it took him to go from chuunin to ANBU. "Orochimaru, you're weaker than me. I don't need to give my body to you, I've never needed to. I've learned just fine of my own."

After everything he put her through, seeing him like this is just so satisfying. His voice isn't nearly as confident when he answers, "You sound very sure of yourself, for such a young girl."

Years ago, she figured it out, and just forgot until now. "If I you thought of me like that, I never would have caught your attention," she says. "I'm a daughter of the head of the Uchiha clan. You couldn't get Itachi. You settled for less—you, some genius sennin, settling for second best. I bet it frustrating.

"But, the truth is, you were only a genius by normal society, wasn't it? No kekkei genkei to call your own. You want these eyes, Orochimaru?" she continues. "Try to take them."

The snake appears right as she leaps with her second stolen katana, and she twists in time for Orochimaru to stop now that his surprise has been eliminated. "So you can move from body to body? I didn't know your experiments could get worse."

But the end result is that appearance, and that's the dissatisfaction. Talk about vain. He backs that thought up, and says, "Are you ready to lose those eyes?"

She leaps, using chakra to stick to walls the ceiling, and the blade infused with lightning is sharp enough to cut through scales.

.

As she leaves, Kabuto asks, "Which one are you?"

With her Sharingan shining in the dim light, she answers, "Which do you think?"

On her way to the exit she collects her weapons. Wisely, Kabuto doesn't pursue her.

.

Ten minutes out, and she runs. Her stamina lasts longer than it ever has before, and when it finally gives out, she doesn't where she is, or how much time she's passed, or even where she's going. All she knows is that she can't go home because Orochimaru is inside her.

_Because Orochimaru is_—

She doubles over, and loses the contents of her stomach. Then she runs, again.

What she wanted to do was kill him, and she should have known a drastic move like that would require a payment she didn't want to make.

.

"Didn't you hear?" a man says with an Oto forehead protector around his neck and smile on his face. "Uchiha Sasuke killed him. Uchiha Sasuke set us free."

There's a lot Naruto expected to happen on this trip, but this honestly wasn't one of them. "Last time she was over here she made it back to Konoha," he says, turning back to group. "She'll do it again, right. Right?"

For a moment, no one answers. Then Sakura says, "Last time it was like she didn't even know her own name, Naruto. The odds of her being able to make her way back aren't too high."

He might not have ever said it to her, but he promised he was going to protect her. The moment he heard about what Orochimaru did, he swore, just like he swore to Sakura that he'd bring her back. Now this marks the second time in a row that he's failed.

Kiba says, "Akamaru's still got her sent. It shouldn't be too hard to find her."

There's a whole world out here. Even Naruto knows this is easier said than done.

.

When she shuts her eyes, sometimes she sees black hair and red eyes. Sometimes she sees yellow and pink and grey—blue, green, slate. Green leaves with brown bark. Unlocked doors.

It helps block out the horrifying reality that she absorbed someone just for the sake not being possessed instead. Even Itachi is better than that. Actually, forcing herself to think about Itachi back when she thought he cared hurts the least. Who was that second person? she wonders. Maybe her brother had help. Maybe he had orders. Maybe a bystander. Maybe she's so freaked out that she'd rather turn back the clock and live a lie by make an excuse.

Killing him would be easier.

Or, an equally awful possibility:

Itachi's the one who got her out.

He has the skill, after all. He can block her memories, and drive her insane at the same time. Whether he cared about her or not, there was a point he close to raised her more than her own parents. Maybe he wasn't too happy about something like that happening too his little sister.

Orochimaru is inside her.

She wonders what would've happened if she'd been born a boy instead, like her parents wanted. Would they have paid more attention to her? Would her brother have considered her worth killing? Would Orochimaru still have done this? More specifically, all of it?

Yellow, pink, grey. Mostly yellow. Childhood and present wrapped into one.

As hard as it is, she stands again, and tries to find her way back to Konoha.

.

In the end, she doesn't make it to Konoha, because two Akatsuki run into her instead. This is either her lucky day, or her second worst day ever.

She defeats the one with the explosions by using a lot of chakra-enhanced jumps, her katana, and eventually genjutsu. But the Chidori did most of the work.

"Where's Itachi?" she asks, and the man blows himself up.

Apparently she can summon. The snake dies. She lives. Unsurprisingly, she doesn't feel bad about it.

.

Itachi finds her. That isn't surprising either, though he looks mildly surprised at the sight of her. "You haven't grown in three years," he says. "I never thought you would end up short."

Last time, it wasn't really him, and he hadn't said much of anything. While the fight was definitely the two of them, she wonders how much of her he actually saw. "Girls tall in childhood tend to do that," she says, and activates her Sharingan, too. "I know this isn't you, Itachi. You wouldn't just sneak up on me in a cave. Where are you? Because I'm not wasting chakra on a clone."

He smiles, small and somewhere between hard and soft like when they were kids. "Very good, Sasuke," he answers. "I'll meet you in the hideout."

Then he bursts into crows, swirling around her, and she's starting to really hate these fucking birds.

.

Before she met Naruto, Sasuke always had trouble making friends. It was an effect of wanting to so badly please her family; she spent too much time trying to get better, too little time interacting. But people are inherently social creatures, so her answer was to fall back on her brother. If he'd protested, her childhood might have gone differently, but he never had. _Someone _needed to teach her how to read, write, and calculate. So he took on the role of parent as well as brother, and the woman in the hospital said that what happened to her was worse than dying. Itachi hating her makes sense, when she really thinks about. He was five years older than her, he was busy with his own life, he got shoved with a little girl anyway.

All she ever wanted to do was make her brother proud. But then he went and killed their family, and she now she has to kill him instead.

She really wants to get over and done with this, quicker than ever. Get back to Konoha, get Orochimaru out of her. For now, she can delay enough to get answers. "Before you die," she says, "can you at least tell me why?"

As if just to piss her off more, he met her sitting down, looking as relaxed as could be, but she's older now. She's not going to just jump into a fight. He must realize this, because as he answers, "I told you why. I needed a measuring stick," he stands.

"No, that's not it." This, at least, she knows is true, and certainty's been growing by the day. "There was a second person. There wouldn't be a second person for a measuring stick."

He takes one step forward, then another. "If that's really what you believe, Sasuke," he says. "then you need to defeat me first. What truth do your eyes see?"

.

The truth her black eyes sees doesn't come to the end, with a tap to her forehead and one last genjutsu combined to unravel her understanding of everything.

When the others find her, Itachi's dead, and Sasuke's clutching at her face from my pain. There's a fire burning from her eyes through her body, and at least Orochimaru is gone. That was because of Itachi, again. Itachi who was exactly who he said he was, who still cared about her, who was still her brother, who she just killed.

There are hands on her, dragging her upward, and she doesn't need to look to know it's Naruto. "We're going to get you home," he tells her. "It shouldn't be that—Sasuke? Sasuke?"

"Sasuke, what did he do to your eyes?" Sakura asks. "I need to know to heal them."

The thing Sasuke hears before she passes out is Kakashi saying, "Sakura, they aren't damaged."

For a while, after that, Sasuke hears nothing, and ignores the world.

.

In the aftermath, Sasuke refuses to say much more than, "I killed Orochimaru. I killed Itachi. Orochimaru was easy. Itachi wasn't."

But that doesn't explain the Mangekyo. It doesn't explain why the cursed seal is just _gone._ By now, Sakura's seen that manifest itself more than once, and even dormant, she'd gotten used to the sight of it on her friend's shoulder. She isn't sure whether she should be relieved or worried it isn't there.

Kakashi's the only one brave enough to ask. "Itachi got rid of it," Sasuke answers, and her voice is as toneless as it was years ago.

Despite Sakura's training, she isn't able to heal as much as she wants to, and according to Hinata, there's such a strain on her friend's chakra that something else must have gone on during that fight other than actual fighting. Getting the seal removed, probably. She should be resting, not running, but they need to get as far away from the Akatsuki as fast as they can because their only mission was to retrieve her.

Around two hours in, Sasuke must have used up what little chakra she regained, because she suddenly slips off a branch. Somehow, Sakura manages to grab her at the last second. "We should rest," she says as she helps Sasuke back up. She should probably eat something, too. "Kakashi, are we far enough away?"

"If the Akatsuki were pursuing us, we would know by now," he answers. "We'll be all right for a little while."

Sasuke just nods, and accepts the nutrients bar without saying anything. One night, about a year ago, she ended up confessing what it takes to create a Mangekyo Sharingan: killing someone close to you. Well, in the time she's been gone, she managed to kill off two people. Orochimaru terrified her. She hated Itachi with everything she had.

For her peace of mind, Sakura's going to assume it's Itachi. He's better than the alternative.

.

The first night back, Sasuke ends up back at her property. This time, she's alone.

She runs her fingers across the walls off her house, the old wood rough below her fingers. The floor is silent as she walks. Each movement she makes sends up another cloud of dust. Past the entrance, this place is untouched by death. Even rundown like this, that makes it beautiful.

In her parents' bedroom, the blanket has indents in from animals that have made it their home. One of her father's shirts is hanging on the outside of the closet, and she'd almost forgotten how ridiculous the wide-collared look that most male Uchiha's wore was. As a kid, she was in here so rarely, she'd forgotten their walls were the color of mint. There's a book with its marker still sticking out on one of the nightstands next to a photo of her on Itachi's shoulders, laughing.

That's enough to get her to shut her door. The cloud of dust is almost unbearable.

Her room is worse. Unlike her parents', her bed covers haven't lost their neat shape, though the bright blue's faded. Weapons and Academy books are scattered everywhere, and above her bed, she has a painting of an ocean she didn't see until five years after she left. A jacket is crumpled on the floor, probably a travesty in her mother's eyes but a moment of childhood carelessness was all. Sometimes Itachi would tuck her in. She told him about Naruto in here, and not by name. He said he was glad to hear she was making friends, so she wasn't so lonely while he was away. Like a lot of things, she'd forgotten that little detail of her life.

Then, worse. His room. It's as bare as always, and the only piece of his ANBU armor left is his mask. For some reason, the sight of that is what makes her break.

It bursts out all at once—"I _loved _you, don't you get that, Itachi, I didn't survive, you _left _me, you ruined my life, if you wanted to protect me you shouldn't have damned me to kill you, you didn't have the right to do that to my mind, _you can't make me feel bad for being manipulated by someone who was supposed to protect_—"

The rant stops when the tears start, and she sinks to the ground, arms crossed and head down against the old sheet. "All I wanted to do was make you proud," she says, voice and sobs muffled by the fabric. "Why did I have to kill you instead?"

No one answers, because no one's here, and the only ghost in this house is her. She didn't survive, he left her, and no amount of love she feels for him will erase that.

When she wakes up, she's in her room with Naruto still asleep on her bed with her, and Sakura humming as she makes breakfast. There's a newspaper on the nightstand with an apartment advertisement for an apartment circled. So Itachi is gone, and her family is dead at his hand because he had no choice, but she made herself a team, and that has to count for something.


End file.
